I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Thursday, 30 July 2015

The Importance of being ernest, by Stevie Serious Haston.

Ann Arran doing Yoga, her core is a little occupied with other things. Ann was on the British team.

This little blog might be a bit long, it will take more than a few minuets to read, so in to-days world it's probably not worth reading-so be it. People today want a "six-pack in six minuets", and don't really want to understand the layers of muscle and their function, The "core" is indeed the core of all human function.

My grand daughter Harmony, a little climber and fell runner, the proud owner of a flexible body and a very strong core! Oh yes, she just won a medal for Long jump in North Wales!

So I have been working a bit lately, and fallen behind in my own physical well being, I need to get serious and ernest again. I need to do some fundamental work, core work, flexibility and some heavy pull ups. 
 my cat Zulu, I miss you my friend, you taught me a lot about core and resting!

I need work, not much, but some, if you think  I can help you, please contact me. I know a bit about climbing and training.  

 you can't have enough cats in your life!

The equipment you need for life is strange, it's not a pair of giant crampons, it's more like a large imagination, the imagination to know that you can have a big, or bigger physical relationship with the out side world. We shouldn't live through the TV, the phone, or the computer, we should live through being healthy, and achieving the odd thing.

 A bench in Italy, giant crampons. My first crampons were made here by a man whose hands could break steel, and who is alive and well today. He lives a strong, simple life.

My arms are small, I have a recurring psychological disorder, Small Arm Syndrome- SAS, it can be cured in various ways.

This week I climbed with Patrick, a Swiss boy (16 years old, not 15!), through his eyes I saw, and climbed some of my own routes, they are great routes indeed. But they are more than that, they are "the gift of small things", they are ernest exercise, glorious calisthenics, and all wrapped around in splendour. How lucky I am. But I need to pay some bills. So……work. This week coming Salt Lake City.  

Monday, 27 July 2015

Very nice work, by Stevie "the worker" Haston.

You have to work, right? Well "not all the time", is my motto. Sometimes work, and fun coincide, which is the best.  So I did the trade show in Germany, and then there wasn't enough work in Italy, and so I came home for a week before the USA trade show. Well a 15 year old boy needed a bit of climbing help so I was in the right place for him. Patrick is very much like I was at his age, loving climbing, and getting on with things, it was a pleasure to hold his ropes. He will go to sport college, and hopefully will work hard, and do his stuff.

Union City Blues, wrong way around obviously! Perspective from the bottom of a sea cliff is often odd, but you get double the sensation with the waves crashing.

 This is one of the routes Patrick led me up, Union City Blues, its got a little precariousness at the top, a delicate slab move which needs poise. Patrick was very modest about his climbing, but as he knows all the Swiss Junior team this is not surprising. Patrick will go far in climbing. He needs to work though, as we all do.

In Malta sport is not really encouraged, it's not the same as in Swiss, hopefully we will have some good kids having fun, and success soon. At the top of the Fruit Cake Land cliff I enjoyed a beer, and Patrick enjoyed some pizza. We deserved it!

pizza and beer, my feet had marinated for four hours in plastic bags, to get "thee fit", deserved some lubricant!

The Sun was a big orange ball that sunk rather fast, reminding us of the constancy of work, sometimes I forget, but not when I get back on perfect stone. Patrick and I looked at great lines that we were desperate to climb, they will have to wait for better conditions, and stronger times. Work hard, climb hard! 

Saturday, 25 July 2015

Grivel Captive Gate Carabiner, by Stevie Captive Haston.

 The new Grivel Captive Gate carabiner is very slick, why don't you have a look at it? It's gonna be a very useful "sport climbing" binner, but I see alotta places where I might use them. This carabiner is the top part, it's the one that clips the bolt, or indeed the whatever it is you clip. It's not the rope end, so to that effect the gate is not bent. The shape, and the captive gate ensure no possibilities of cross loading, and although robust it's not very heavy. Everybody knows that I like the lightest gear possible, but this binner is for those people who want there gear to last, and want a really strong safe carabiner. 

the Grivel Captive gate with a shell I got yesterday! Two nice things!

The nose on the Captive gate is clean, it has no notch to get hooked up on bolts wires, or indeed any thing, this is very important. Carabiners are rated at minimum 7kn for cross loading, with stronger ones rated at 9kn this is an important rating, and really you should be very careful with biners rated  at 7kn. If you cross load at the nose, a carabiner can break at 2kn! 2kn  is possible very easily, a slip from just above the bolt. With the Captive gate you should never be able to "Nose clip" a binner. The Captive comes with a "fat" quick draw not in Dyneemer which is very slippery, for easier grabbing. It's a great piece of equipment, have a look, I really dig them, especially for when I am working routes and they are gonna be fallen on a lot. 

Thursday, 23 July 2015

Ben Moon Rising, by Stevie Sinking Haston.

 Belated congrats to climber, and business man, Benidict Moon. Ben first shone, along time ago, when some of todays stars weren't even born, but to many people, me included, hard climbing reached a certain level of maturity when Ben first pulled his strong finger out, and vanquished the world famous route Hubble! Hubble was the hardest route in the world for a while, until the more famous Wolfgang Gullich did Action Direct, a year later. Why was Hubble eclipsed by Action Direct? Who knows! Politics perhaps, the climbs were the same grade, and indeed they still are. Was it sympathy due to Wolfgang dying in an unfortunate car crash?

 A very big German May pole.

Ben Moon makes clothes, and some climbing stuff, like wood panels, and rungs, and pull up finger boards, but he is still good at the finger stuff himself. His last route was the 9a grade, and is in his opinion harder than his first effort all those years ago. So why all that time between Mr Moon? Work, life, money, stuff. 

A Maypole detail, Action Direct is always lurking in the dark.

Ben looks like he is firmly back in the saddle, which should give the rest of us hope. Yes your dreams are not over, but you have to work, and work really hard according to Ben! So get to work. Did you work really hard, Ben? "Harder than before", he answered. I met, and talked to Ben at the Out Door show in Germany, and had a little chat. Ben has set his eyes on another 9a, Northern Lights a route of his own that he never quite finished. It's a long story, but Ben was trying it a different way, and it's possibly a grade harder this way. Long stories are unfortunately the way to go sometimes, otherwise we miss the obvious.  Was Hubble 9a, is Action Direct 9a! This is the question, and the answer my friend is now blowing in the wind, because grades have changed, they have got softer. 
Italian rock, theres a route in Italy it lurks for me, saw it the other day, hard as nails crueler than a womans heart.

Grades in the old days were based on Boux grades from France, and these grades are tough, as tough as granit. Grades today are soft cheesy things, influenced by money, and fashion. I wish Ben all the luck with his appointment with Northern Lights, may Moon shine as he always does, and has.

Thursday, 16 July 2015

Scarpa Drago, by stevie Haston

I am at the summer show, and I'ave fallen in love, not with Belgium Beer. That's a joke, I am in Germany, they make great beer! There are good boots, like there are great beers, but there is always one that will suit you more! I think I found it. 

 Mr Great show designer, Mr H. M, who has brought to birth more great shoes than anyone, I salute you! It's a Scarpa shoe, there's only four pairs in the world, size 40, my size, why would they give me a pair? Well if I get a pair, I will do one of the best routes in the world with them, that's why. This boot fits me like glove, has a great heel which I need for my route, and looks like the dogs dodos. I will succeed, I will triumph, plus it looks cool, it's soft, it's supple, I want it, and I want it now, just like I want Belgium beer, even when I am in Germany.

 So we are driving, and the driver says "whats that stuff?" and "I say thats beer man", and he goes "get away", some people don't know about the planet man, they think beer comes outta a can!

To everything I love, to everybody I love.

Sunday, 12 July 2015

Pull ups in a Wardrobe, by Stevie Closet Haston.

 Diet of champions.

It's hot and I'am travelling, two things I dislike very much. If you haven't travelled much recently, or keep your eyes shut, there seems to be a lot going on. Whole cities seem to be changing into multicultural hoge potches of weirdness, with much of the weirdness being of  the lowest common denominator coming from a cultural quagmire of commercial and moral muddiness. Mixed metaphors are the order of the day, I am afraid it's way too hot. And I can't keep track of whats going on in europe anymore, perhaps I will have better luck in the US of A?

Are these humans the same as me?

I visited Malta, my neibouring island to meet mates, and fly away. Malta is one of the few places I like, but in thirty years it will have twice the population. Can anybody tell me where we are going to fit them. Unfortunately I am so healthy, despite being poisoned by modern food and medicine, that there is a chance I will still be alive. I hope I am brave enough to choose the sensible way out before Madness is mandatory!

 Torino station de Susa.

This station doesn't have seats! Where was I supposed to park my bum. The bill for a meal would have fed me for half a week! CCT cameras every where, and lots of police, a strange futuristic symble of a sterile future?

pull ups in a Wardrobe.

It's sunday, it's unbearable, sweaty, hot, metal is painful to touch, and I am a bit stuck in the bottom of the valley, without mates, or energy. So. Well no door frames that will support me, did my yoga, and then the last vestige of memory produced thee old "pull ups in the wardrobe solution". These ones are desperate, mainly because the wardrobe will tip over if you don't do them slow, or SLOOW, i.e.. good ones. So there you go, while other people are checking out the bikini clad babes, and each other in their chrome sunglasses, I am doing my pull ups. Keep on the track Mac, stick to the plan Stan. The cool weather will come back a few times before we all self combust in government fed nonsense, or the next war to save people. Also I never thought about it, but there is a certain privacy in a wardrobe, even if it's a web wardrobe. 
Germany next, I'll take Berlin.  

Friday, 10 July 2015

Confused, conned and condemned, by Stevie Contra Haston

looking for fish that are poisoned over fished and suffer acidification of the sea.

Why are there so few fish in the sea? Can we restock the sea? Yes, of course we can! But it's a political decision, some one will loose votes, and therefore money! Can world hunger and population be controlled? Yes of course it can, but lots of people will have to turn veggie and vegan, and again that's not gonna happen, cos it's a voting thing, by Jove! Notice I don't use the Christian god, or the Prophets name. Please don't attack me. Will Malta make use of the one out door thing that it actually has, Rock. Well, maybe it will. The climbing on Malta and Gozo is as good as anywhere, and better than most. Funny, but we don't even have anybody under 20 years old climbing here! A country that is over populated, overweight, and over stressed, not knowing that there is some peace and quite there for some, and it's underneath their feet! Blind, or what?

 out of focus and out of sight.

Climbing has brought lots of money to the island this year, and the climbing community has had practically no help from any one. In Greece, climbing was working to bring money into the country. Contacts in the sport now suggest there's a lot of unpaid bills there, well with out that equipment Kalymnos will fail as a tourist destination. Without climbing, Gozo will just get more and more suffocated with budget tourists in the two peak months!

 The Kalieydescope of dreams.

Jeff came to help me yesterday he's one of the few who help me, we were aghast at how beautiful the rock architecture is, and Jeff knows that there is more. Climbing can surpass diving as a tourist attraction on the islands, it's worth millions, and millions to the island.


Are you confused? I am, and I am fed up of buying, or being short of gear, or getting my own gear ruined. I am off to Italy, Germany, Italy, USA, Italy, and back to Gozo to earn a few pennies, so the Gozo one man band is not gonna play any more. Good luck and good night. Neil, pull your finger out! 

Wednesday, 8 July 2015

Extreme tourism by Stevie ordinary Haston.

A happy tourist.

By extreme tourism I don't mean being in danger, I mean unbearably crowded. What's up with places when you stick twice the population in an infrastructure that can't cope normally? July in popular places , do you know anything worse? Polution, noise, absolutely no F'ing parking!

a bronze celebrating when fishing was done by brave men , not dirty factory ships.

I remember the great old climber Joe Brown having a program on TV called Extreme fishing, or some such nonsense. He climbed down cliffs and fly fished, it was quintessential Joe.  Anyway there are far too many tourists on the beach, and around the island, it's all gone horrible. The island is earning money, but at a great expense to it's own quality of life. Attract climbers walkers, and others in the shoulder months, why don't you?

A 60 meter roped decent to go swimming.

Today we got some clips out of some routes, half of them went in the bin, too corroded. While we were there, we went swimming, and checked out some more cliff. Not bad! Too hot, and humid to climb, but the water was perfect.

Some Amberjack underneath.

Gozo Tourism and climbing are an easy solution to an economy that cries out for visitors other than in summer. It's obvious. Too many holiday places are blighted by happy northerners who are only looking for a few days of virtual holiday. Keep Gozo and Malta real, and the pollution down, attract tourists in the shoulder months.

Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Training, Coaching, Traveling, Working. By Stevie Haston.

 I went swimming today, it's way too hot to climb. I wanted to climb, but it's really hot and humid, so the next best thing was to explore some cliffs by swimming. I guess two miles of swimming can be classed as a bit of training. 

 I have a very good student at the moment who is reminding me how weak I'ave become, so thanks Neil. One of the reasons I am weak this year is my life has changed, and I haven't caught up with it yet. It's not an excuse, I don't really believe in excuses that much. 
Anyway training keeps your mind in step, it's always a good place to start to get your head into gear. 

 This is my old house in France, it's up for sale, contact me or Laurence  for details, it's in the country, very quiet, but with one cliff 12 mins away, and others 25 to 30 mins away.

 This cliff is 30 mins away from my old house, it got 25, or so 8s, it's got 30 meter roofs, it's got a couple of my big link ups, it's one of the best cliffs in the world, I surely do miss it. It's called Sabart.

I guess this is my new home, Gozo, good climbs, and the sea, big, big roofs, just like my old home in France. Today I discovered (well not really discovered) three caves with some possible high quality climbing in them. I scoped out a mile of cliff, and "I saw lots of fishees, oh yees I did Gollum". Visability was 50 meters, Gozo has the best, or some of the best visibility in the world! I saw a school of Yellow Jack, and one big solitary one. Thousands of little fishees. And I saw a big octopus which my friend played with, and I saw a big Moray eel, and a Locust Lobster in the same hole. I have to do a big training session before I do a plane journey, or three, to work, to keep body and soul together. Good training to you. And I miss France, how can I not. 

Thursday, 2 July 2015

You deserve this, by Stevie generous Haston.

I am a prince amoung curmudgeons, a Master Misanthrope, but you deserve this! So have it. Swimming the other day I played with two octopus, or Octopussies ( I know which I prefer), an electric Leopard Ray, and a Cameleon (on land not in the sea), and ignored the rubbish thrown out by the tourist carrying so called pleasure boats. 

 Inigoon Czech Direct. slight topo error. funny, not funny?

Luck has been kind to me lately I have had a few people distracting me from the mortal coil of tangled shizer that is the spagetti of knotted modern life. Thanks folks, good climbs obviously, weather constantly blue, employment status low, prospects poverty, happiness, and bigger forearms imminent.

 Oce from France on Aro Rambler, a route put up by a French lady called Laurence.

I have seen things this week, a sea with a huge school of fish, with fishermen madly trying to catch them, luckily the fish escaped. I have seen things this week, not quite from the Shoulder of Orion, but from my isolated perch on a small rock in the middle of the Mediterranean. I talked to a priest about cruelty while he was eating meat, it was a pig that had been imprisoned, fed shit, bred for slaughter, and then killed, the priest on the other hand had been bred for the moral high ground. A funny, disturbing, deluded conversation.

 the small local church in my village.

I did my tourist cultural bit the other day, at the Hal Sflieni Hypogeum it's been dated 4000 years bc (or before Christ), or should that now be bce, the modern term of before the common era. It's obviously an important difference, and was a tage apropos as we were looking at a weird temple that had stored 7000 corpses, and certainly didn't worship Christ! The Hypogeum is an amazing place, I recommend visiting it to any one, it makes you think and wonder at the very roots of religion. Why did it all take place on Malta? Perhaps the answer is simple, the local stone is carve-able with sea shells in some places! Perhaps the Maltese need lots of religion?

the Earth goddess,

You have to pay to see the Hypogeum, you can't take photos, and it's probably fully booked up! Go climbing, walk in the countryside, swim in the sea, before it's fully booked up, and you have to visit the summit of your desires on the internet. Oh dear we do that already don't we, welcome to viewing the world thru Orions Smart phone, invented in the year 1000 years bce, "before crooks enslaved us".