I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Tuesday, 28 February 2017

Why I get upset, by Stevie Haston.

 Hey Dustin hope your ok buddy after Carnival.

Legend has it that we were Hansons, and changed to the anglicised name of Haston, to escape some normal kind of misdemeanour that makes folks immigrate sometimes in a fast fashion.

 the almond blossom is very happy this year and drags me back to that sublime place.

All the people who have got on my case this week about black people, Muslims, hard working Poles, and any other stupid tosh can go to hell in a hand basket.

 Without flowers I don't have life…

I will climb with anybody as long as they are reasonable, and don't hate people because of their colour, or some other flavour. If your political beliefs are different from mine, and they will most certainly be, because yes I am from the Left, the deep off the screen Left, don't worry I won't eat you. But, and it's a big BUT, I might think your not kind, so don't get upset. If you are not a socialist, or if you want people like me to FUCK off back to their own country, please be aware that I might not like you, because you have no empathy, and guess what, I have no country, only a passport. 

 without rock I don't have life.

The UK was never that great for us, four of us lived in two damp rooms, with no toilet, or bathroom. Dad was often black listed for being on strike, or demanding safe conditions of work. Now that I see unelected Prime Fascist May, and the Cons dismantling the last barriers we have to a social defence for workers please forgive me for drawing some lines in my friendship criteria.

without foolish fun I don't have life, after all I am a mix of northern european and arab …

The word Slavic gave us the word Slaves, my present country of visiting, was a slave trade nation, except it was more of a business. The Knights of Saint John , the so called Hospitalers were just a business, and a crooked one most like. My Maltese name comes from Farug, ok. If you don't like it, it is not much to me, I will know you by your dislike. 

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Soothing sea of distraction, by Stevie the sea Haston.

It's Carnival in the village, indeed all over the island this week you see people in fancy dress, or costume. It's pretty cool, although of course I don't normally take part, I just go climbing, and the traffic from the extra tourist just gets on my nerves.

 Local viewpoint, each year a few tourists get washed away-it's a local sub sport. Recently there was a much exaggerated story of six people being rescued in the news-it was fake news, they were knocked over!

 Kids just want to have fun, Dustin and Lilly, showing off on "the brain", in years to come it will of course be illegal to stand on this rock, and you will have to have a certified guide etc.
the Brain rumours to be modelled on the average size of a local villagers brain, or testical, take your pick.

This section of the north coast is seeing lots of walkers and climbers, this is good as normally its just the preserve of hunters, and four wheel drivers!

 over laden, trying to get across with a big wind ,and sea raging!

This route is taking some time! 

When this route is done it will be four little pitches, finishing through the obvious Alice in wonder hole! It is getting on my nerves, because I can't seem to take the harness pain, and back pain anymore. Still I hope to live on beer through my old age given to me by thankful climbers who climb it.

Thursday, 23 February 2017

Slotty Slit of doom, by Stevie Slavering Haston.

Revisiting cliffs you some times get a shock, some routes seem really great, some ordinary. The crazy ones always stand out of course, they throb, they pulse, you can smell the fear dripping in your arm pits, just looking at them.

 A bit of spring cleaning….. never ending story.

The slot of doom has one great route in it, it's called Orchestral manoeuvres in the Dark. It's a pokey 7a, having done it twice I can say that it doesn't get easier on second, or third time around.

Having always wanted to do the left hand side of the arching cave, I finally worked it all out today, have to bolt it of course. It will be a three pitch route, with some fairly improbable climbing, and architecture to die for. It will be a must do. Hopefully it won't be very hard.

 this bit is easy…

The last time I was here we were shot at by hunters. Today just some tourists admiring the spectacular limestone plateau with it's great shapes.

 Little Lilly, 10 years old she did a grade three today.

The slot of doom gets abit uncomfortably wide, depending on where I choose to finish it! If I want I can finish on some jammed blocks, and finish fairly easily. If I choose to be demonic, I can finish it by Batman chimney!

 where to finish?

I fell off trying the Batman finish, but is that any reason not to bolt it that way?

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Happy work, by Stevie Happy Haston.

Short Blog, the continuing battle for happiness is still in progress. Casualties include boredom, boredom is defiantly on the retreat.

 Bramble murders and annihilation continue.

Paths have been pushed in an effort to control marauding religious botanical thorns in my side.

 safety binders like these make my life safer!

TheAlmond blossom is out, long live Almond blossom.

 Evelyn, having a good time, among the rocks of my village. It's not Sweden, or Poland.

 Evelyn says I am lucky, yes maybe I am.

 Being lowered down hard 7s is a new happy experience for some.

Spring is here, happy words for me.

The view from the flat can be blue, but is normally not sad.

Long live happy stuff. And message for Sweden, "what happened"?

Sunday, 19 February 2017

Make Gozo great again. By Stevie insignificant Haston.

I can't believe the routes I have, I miss out on a few, like the West Face of the Dru, and the North Face of Everest, but hey that's "alternative Gozo", coming to a guide book near you soon.

 Guernica  top pitch, with a hundred meters of thick static hanging from me, it must be easy.

Weather is good, climbs are perfect, yesterday I cut lots of brambles from around the starts of several routes. The never ending story of brambles versus climber trousers is a trouser manufacturers dream. The American Manafacturers have tried to change the corporate nature of Salt Lake politicians with out result, so will pull out of Salt Lake and consequently the area will lose money. Politics!

An old traditional route of mine, this is now banned from climbing, fragile this is not. When the law is an Ass etc.

The area around my islands is a huge area for sea grass called Poseidon grass, this is a very important habitat which is getting slowly destroyed, or perhaps it's getting destroyed really quickly. While climbers get routes banned, or loose access due to private land, the sea scape is raped for profit. Many areas around Malta are used for bunkering, or mooring of ships. It does not help out fish and sea! 

Do you like hanging on dongs. A climbing wall in the UK has placed hundreds of Penis's and breasts on a wall for you to fondle!

In Gozo we are still struggling with advertising our climbing, I hesitate to recommend my route which will go in the new guide as "Do you like my Dong, Donald".

Thursday, 16 February 2017

Waiting for Godot, by Stevie late Haston.

When you'r young, time seems to be stuck in porridge! As you get old, it speeds up, until you hardly ever wish things to be over, even bad things. Not that anything is super terrible in my life, just the usual unhappiness, or un- contentness. I am spoilt, but I guess I must be super spoilt, because normally I don't try wilfully to foook things up. So my little life continues.

 Yoga, I guess if you really work hard you might not have time for yoga, recently I haven't done much, and my mind is slipping towards stupidly wondering about stupidity.

Forest Gumps Mum famously said, "stupid does as stupid is". I probably got that wrong, Forest Gump after his first coffee can make me look fairly dumb after all. Is the message of that film just be kind, even if your dumb, don't get over confused, just be kind?

 A bit of climbing.. soothing stuff above the sea.

After coming back from the big trade show, with all its far off dreams, and promises of sporting excellence if you only by product X, I just feel like sitting in the sun below a cliff listening to the birds sing. Hunting season is over, birds get to be happy again. It seems there is a class of person who isn't that kind, they often seem to sink to the surface of political parties, scum doesn't sink to the bottom, it rises! Base instincts seem to burn with a greater intensity than good ones. Anyway, back to sitting in the sun.

 A little corner of the world, a balcony of balm etc.

Having just recovered from being sick, I am happy to be well. Well, as in ok. Nothing big, or grande gonna happen for a while. Big plans, eh? 

Must admit I would like to know what this is.

There's a lot of weird stuff on my island, carvings, crosses, boat bollards on dangerous cliffs. Nobody seems to know much about them. My Island is one of the oldest inhabited places in Europe, but it is still a mystery! Lets face it people are very, very strange things. 

Friday, 10 February 2017

Intelligence, Politics, Climbing, by Stevie Haston.

What animal has its arse hole on its back? A Police Horse. I have had a great time at the Ispo Show in Munich, seeing lots of new climbing gear, and seeing wonderful people. Don't get me wrong I love my island, but we are a simple people living a hum drum life, so the opportunity to talk, or be educated by others is fantastic. The world is big, most peoples brains are small.

 They shall not pass-well they are creeping through, they are called MPs.

As I approached the exit of the airport reception, what shock I had, Malta has suspended Schengen! I asked what it was all about and was asked rudely to move along.
In Germany there was lots of security with lots of warnings, funniest situation for me was watching two female police with Machine guns, flirting with each other, they seemed oblivious of all the terror going on-just love was in the air.

 Shame. I will never forget this, never. I will forget many things, many lies by governments, many false flags, but what was going on in these "minds".

Its a funny weird thing that I fell in love with climbers again. They are for all their peculiarities and obsessions, clearly different, a bit more clever, a bit harder to fool, and some of them have had lives as big as the mountains they climb.

 Anybody seen Democracy, I seem to have lost it.

Ispo is a very weird thing, we make gear keep it secret, display it, try to make money out of it, then a few years later everybody has copied your works of genius. There's also some incredible works of merchandise crime, like the price for water proof breathable material. Consumerism, and competition, and tariffs, and money is what we are about at Ispo. Take your Abacus!


A lot of the gilded advertising seems to slip by most people, the dreams are dead. The snowboarding halls were empty, overtaken by short fat skis! Why are we in these weird cycles-money. Always follow the money. If you have trouble with politics try following the money, and put the Bullshit Filter on. I can sell you one-cheap price just for you my prince.

 I love this photo, I remember a fat friend of mine once in the days when you wore pile clothe (fleece) he had some how lost his jacket and looked like fat snowball.

Theres not been much snow in europe but theres been a good bit of ice. The world is so imperfect, large parts are flat, no cliffs, but hey you can grow wheat, and tulips, and bacon there, you can create huge swathes of the population you can cheat. The Ispo for rich people is called Davos. But you can't get in there and Maggie May will never tell you what goes on, how democratic is that?

A sea of cloud.

Seas of cloud are more than perfect, no people either good, or bad. Just the romance for the bones of the earth, and once you get above the clouds you are in a special place. But of course not if you are in a ski resort, thats just an extension of the Paris/London/ Munich underground.  A few manufactures are not going to the American show Utah as a protest against the Utah politicians tying to block the last National Park, good for them. But will that actually do anything except save them money?

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Battle ship Phallisatica,by Stevie Haston.

The world is not right, the human virus is out of control again. Anyway went out climbing. It was great, the interaction between one friend, and a dog, and several kilometres of inert stone was enjoyable. Not a bad thing happened, no real bad thoughts. The sea had that calming affect it does, and the sucking, hollow feeling just under my ball sac created a small vacuum were anything political could disappear to. 

 A couple of these odd carvings were found as well as, lots of evidence of climbing fishermen.

The fishermen have been here for centuries, but climbers only recently, or were we once the same.

 an old fossil lying on a bed of older fossils.

I love this ledge, it's a nice place to read, but even doing that seems to intrude into its old vibe. It's probably a better place to chug down a bottle of Port, and sleep naked in the sun to wake up to blisters the size of tomatoes.

 In the summer belaying in the sun on these cliffs allows you about 20 mins before you pass out!

Anyway, have soloed a half dozen little routes here, maybe more, I'ave lost count, it's not important in reality. However at a certain stage I should sort it all out, so others can enjoy this lovely spot. Great swimming at the bottom also, with depth of 60 meters just a little bit out! 

 nice reminder of a time before evil politicians.

There are so many great routes here, as my life ticks away, I regret being so lazy, but what can you do. There is only so much ginseng you can take.

 Gollum, or Holdoor?

I need a thousand years, and strength and time for all the routes. 

I kept on saying Holdoor as I climbed up and down this lovely bit of human interaction with fossilised algae and shells.

Can you believe that some peoples idea of fun is messing about in other peoples lives, or destroying them! Anyway a lovely day, the poor dog doesn't like these cliffs, he was anxious about me, maybe he thinks I am getting doddery, he occasionally looked down, and whimpered for me. Still he doesn't have to keep up with the new fascist groove train thats taken off from stations all around the world. One of the routes I did today is called To the Finland Station, I wonder what percentage of different parts of the world have read that?