I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Tuesday, 12 May 2020

Methuselah climbs still, by Stevie Haston.

Its my hundred and 11 birthday cries Frodo, it's my  969 says Crystal Meth Methuselah, its mine also says Stevie-shall we go climbing, of course says Piglet, Pooh,  Eeyore, and Tigger.   New routes are nearly alway the gift I give myself on my birthday, good routes, some times with a bit of bite. 

This is a sketch of Edward Lear a favourite character from my childhood. its prophetically of a favourite cliff of mine and he has some how painted me in belaying on top of one of my own routes! This is a bit of a shock because he died a long time before my birth. But hey, things today are not what they seem, we must trust experts, and funnily drawn graphs predicting 'Second waves' among other things.

So I remember this little 'second wave' from when I was about 9 years old, I was reading the nonsense poems of Edward Lear and hoping to see fabulous creatures with two heads, and people floating to sea in a pea green boat, and magic dragons, and elves and much more. But this second wave was there instead. It disappeared from my knowledge and reappeared a few years ago but I couldn't be bothered. Sometimes the big thing that's stops great routes is lethargy, Christmass pudding, or a Pandemic of hunters killing little birds. But there was a lull in the space time continuum  this year, and a route was born, or at least gestated. 

Just one glass for me, moderation is my middle name.

Oma is grandmother in German, here she is, her eyesight is all but gone and what she sees is often guesswork or wishful thinking. Does she know there is 300 feet of air beneath her?Actually she is a bit like her daughter, things like big cliffs don't phase her and she was begging to see us climbing. She begged and begged but we couldn't think how we could even get her to a cliff with out a cattle hoist and a helicopter, until I remembered the Second Wave! There was a place the Bat Car could approach very close and we could waddle granny down towards the edge for her appointment with climbing.

We tried to get Granny down to see this climb  but failed, we tried and tried, we finally had to invent a new cliff and a new climb. Such are the things you do on your birthday said Piglet, 'nobody said climbing was easy' said Poo.

Sunday, 10 May 2020

Temporary like Achilleas, by Stevie immortal Haston.

Tempting fate to say you're immortal? Of course it is. You are a temporary thing my friend, more bacteria than your ego will even allow you to know. We are deluded little creations of accident, waiting for our assured demise. But some one once said, that you can sometimes be a master of your life if you pick the time of your death! I prefer to think that I am a little bit in control occasionally, and not like a bit of flotsam being tossed around by the waves. Recently I have even felt lucky and blessed. That surprised me because I am normally a really miserable bastard.

I love routes where you open you're legs and feel the breeze... Chimneys are a very underrated lost art.

 This is what I looked like as a young man, I used to climb 6c maximum, but now that Scarpa makes better boots, my grade is still respectable.

A bit of tourism in Germany, trying, or not trying really, more like fondling the holds, you get a few points for knowing the route, and there will be a few of you that will get it, surprising how much strange bits of info we have in our brains.

You get a few more points for recognising the man in this photo, a very important man in climbing in my view.

A Dick standing between two gigantic dicks. You get another few points for knowing this route, it's one of the best routes in the world!

 I have been called a dick recently by a few people for being happy to be Temporary like Achilleas. Here I am demonstrating my Weltanschauung, dicks are very underrated as Mae West said, they have an important function.

A very strong Francois, Italian not French, I have known a lot of strong Fs over the years!
Anyway, there's lots of routes for me to do
Theres fun to be had
theres still sea to swim in
theres laughs to be had
theres the blue to stare into above as in the sky and the deep as under you in water
theres my body such as it is -to treat your body like a temple and not a toilet, should be one of humans main thoughts. Eat good healthy food, breath fresh air, drink nice pure water, win the good fight. Be amazed at the beauty of flowers, rocks, mountains, do things with grace even though you are a clumsy clod of clay, dance on the head of a needle.

Thursday, 7 May 2020

The Dangleberries of Doom, by Stevie Haston.

The world spins around its axis, and men spin their little webs. The world goes around the sun and men spin their lies, plans, and they gather of riches beyond their needs! I gather a few onions and routes.

Some onions for you're perusal.

Of mice and men, 10,000 Assyrians, Atlas Shrugged, the Corona Fraud, Logic Bomb a few new route names of the last week. 

 A route cleaned by my friend Didi, a  European of the former Eastern Bloc country East Germany. We act in tandem, our love of routes and our love of other peoples enjoyment of good little climbs motivate us to some simple giving of time and sweat.

Here I am top roping a line several times to gain knowledge of the best place to clean  etc. Strange are the motivations of men, their creations or simple gifts, half the time mere vanity. Beware Greeks baring Gifts, Never look a gift Vaccine in the Mouth! Forgive me my little jokes. Many climbers are listening to governmental instructions when they have never listened much before, is this their advancing age, or do they actually think something extra ordinary is going on.

Hiding in the shade, it's almost too hot, the end of May normally signals the hot season of not much climbing except when absolutely necessary. In the photo you can see the seeds of the Carob tree, one of my favourite trees.