I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Titties and Beer, by stevie the pizza Haston

So Face book deletes female nipples, but keeps male nipples WTF! You can have Endless War, but no peace, you can have Extreme sports where lots of people die, or end up as vegetables, or damaged goods, but you can't lie naked on a family beach, and share photos. I can show the photo of the above, which pulls on monos but can't show the one below? 

These are snow board graphics they are clearly works of art. I am not frightened of nipples, I sucked on them as a child, I sucked on them as an adult, they have always sustained me. Please free nipples. Do not oppress nipples.

Sunday, 29 March 2015

Spring into progress, by Stevie Haston.

So finally climbing ok, not great, not even close, but ok, or ok plus. It's important for people to understand that it's not that easy to get good, and it's not easy to come back after injury. I have had a very bad knee which is still bad, but I saw the light at the end of the tunnel today. I have also been battling low to zero motivation and depression, not so depressed that I'll crash a plane with all its passengers, but the kindda depression that thinks I prefer four beers to a vegetable juice and I really don't want to train. Well actually it's been worse than that but I don't want to whine, I'd rather have a measured smallish glass.

The weather has been awful which probably helps you understand how spoilt I am but it has been the worst winter Malta has had for many a long year.

 This is a giant Fennel and I measured one at 3 meters tall! Its been wet, wet, wet! My last training session I ticked 1304 pull ups I think, this gave me real hope. Yes I am fat, and yes I am old, but I will climb fairly well again. The sun certainly did the job of cheer today. Did 2x 6a, and 6x 7s, had sore feet and finger skin. 

This is another little new cliff with a very sunny aspect, I'll have to do some routes here befor it warms up, because for sure it will be infernal. Any way if your training and stuck in a hole, don't give up, keep at it. If your depressed, don't for folk sakes crash the plane Ok, just smash a plate, or cry. See you all on the other side of the great divide. 

Friday, 27 March 2015

Climbing and running impossibilities. By Stevie Haston.

 There's a lot of stuff around nowadays, climbing advice, training inspiration. Have you ever noticed how confused it all is, and how a lot of it keeps changing? One of the things that is foremost in the back of peoples minds is they want something for nothing, so most people don't like the idea that you have to train. They really hate it if you tell them to train hard, they generally desert you, and sign up with Zen climbing dot com lazy barstools, who wear fluffy chalk bags training academy incorporated.

Anyway I don't normally fall for it, except on tuesdays, or on rest days when my lats are hurting and I can't grab whatever it is I want to grab. So I was reading this book on running, and it's got some good ideas particularly about core strength and having good technique, and then I suddenly realised, hang on, you still gotta train. So there I was falling for it, and not falling for it. And then I re read some stuff, and I just thought Bollards, he says children have great technique at running, and then I thought 'no they don't', alotta kids run like waddling, limp wristed, drunk ducks. In another bit he says Kenyans run better than the Fins because they are lighter, and run more. I thought are they? Haven't lots of Kenyans been caught taking stacks of drugs lately. And don't they just run lots, and train hard, and when they win you translate the money into Kenyan roubles or what ever they have got, and it means they can buy a sizeable part of Kenya, so they naturally do what they need to do! They don't do it just effortlessly now do they, it's not just green tea, and a joss stick. Is it?
Anyway it's a fairly interesting book, but don't forget to do some work, just incase you need too. There's work on technique there's work on strength, and there's work on stamina, and crucially in both running and climbing, there's work on being the right power to weight, and ultimately the one that ever body hates including me, is just be light! Light is right, and that is why I am still failing on my projects. It's not rocket science, it's not Chi, it's not green tea, it's called climbing well, and being fit, and flexible.
The other day I did 1304 pull ups, and everybody thinks I am nuts, or I,ll become muscle bound. Well strangely I loose weight when I do a lot of them, and because I do a lot I think I become better at doing them, but I could be wrong it's tuesday!

Tuesday, 24 March 2015

Feeling limp. by Stevie Flaccid Haston.

 It's some kindda weird low pressure day, and damp, and uninspiring, and so pull ups. It will be 1000 because I say so, I will do them, and that's that. Do I want to? Not really, but my birthday is coming up, and I want to climb at least 8a on that day, so a bit of exercise is in order.

 You gotta do it. A life worth living, and all that, or shall I just stuff my face full of food? A few curls, where's my dumbbells? Don't have one but I got the break pad things from a quarry truck, they're about 50 lbs. Probably pull a bicep, maybe I should just watch a few films of people climbing instead. No!

 My knee is a bit skew whiff, but it's ok, it was nearly a bit of "Bury my heart at wounded knee". Man never listen to doctors, unless it's about how they get people to sign checks! 

Here's a little taste of the new cliff. 30 meters, steep to very steep, not really grossly overhanging, just relentless, and a few steep slabs to keep you on your dancing toes. Should be good. But first 1000 pull ups. Where was I, sheet only done 250, oh well get the coffee on, and do some more. Thanks Bill Ramsey.

Monday, 23 March 2015

Spring at Sopu, by Stevie Swallow Haston.

A very nice, perfectly bolted route, grade 6a for your delectation.

It's a spring day, correct temperatures, lovely for a change. How many days left in my poxy life that will be this good? The average american spends six months at traffic light, and gets two weeks holiday each year. Malta where I live has the greatest number of Bank holidays in the europian community, they are mostly saints days! This is the only argument for religious belief that I will countenance, if you get more holidays I'll defo believe in the ginger headed Jesus on the cross.  

 Two of my grand children Melody and Harmony and a friends child Ruby climbed the height of the Nose on El Cap for charity, they are very young, sub teens really! Good on them, hopefully they won't spend too long at traffic lights, and will say they have multiple religious beliefs to maximise holidays! They are cracking girls with mums who climb.

This is at the top of one of my climbs! And I found another very good cliff. It's by the sea, and I need good very corrosive resistant bolts, and a drill. Will god provide? Will the climbing community provide?  Will any body help?

Tuesday, 10 March 2015

When the Brits massacred the Tibetans, by Stevie Haston.

 When armies and governments kill, it's still killing, when they plan it out it's still mass murder, when it's Britain who does it, your own country you should have a sense of great shame. Britain has done it many times, and looks like it's keen on doing it more, so just in case you don't get it, or understand, here is an example. The British killed thousands of innocent people in Tibet in 1903, and 1904. There was a medal for this campaign and one of the officers became a big force in the Alpine Club, so yes we have a war criminal as head of the Himalayan committee. His name was Younghusband.

 The War if you can call a gratuitous invasion of a peaceful backward country, a war, was entirely bogus, and was just an adventure instigated by self surviving people.

The Dalai Lama had to abandon Lhasa, and some remaining lower officials were forced to sign a treaty. It was this little adventure that set the scene for the conquering of Everest, notice the British name!  Maxine guns mowed down guys with flint locks, one British office said he was sick of killing people who were simply walking away. I could go on, and I meant to, but I am sick of this shameful story, and sick of the link with the Alpine Club. There you go, oh glorious alpine club.

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

6OO pull ups is not good, by Stevie bad Haston.

 My climbing buddies let me down today, bah humbug! So I thought, bugger them I'll train. Well it started easy and then got hard, well surprise, it's always like that! Anyway I didn't make it to a thousand like I deludedly thought I was going to, but now that I look at it it's fine. Any training is better than feeling sorry for yourself, and blaming other people. I am gonna however 'Big Down' the people who owe me money, pay up please!

This is a bookcase ladder across a stairway gap for bar pull ups, theres options on this for pull ups chin ups and neutral grip.

 I don't have my training boards with me, or my old barn, but I do have one Crusher wooden Board which is great, and which I always recommend to people, it's a MatrixBoard. Theres a review on my blog somewhere and one at Crusherholds.com

The sky this morning was cute and it turned wonderfully warm, perfect for climbing, not too hot. Shame I was training, but you gotta stick to the path of righteousness, and I have been slipping lately! I have been sick, had a bad knee, sore knuckle, been depressed etc. Anyway I feel great now that I trained, way better than pissing about climbing easy stuff, and enjoying myself in a lack luster way.

I do wish I had all my training stuff and a good buddie to climb with, but you know, you can't always get what you want. Those words sound familiar, they might make a good song perhaps! I decided when I knew my knee was ok, and not mashed up that I was going to try to do an 8c again, so it will happen. It might be soon, or more likely it a few months, but it could happen even when I am 60. There's nothing to stop a determined, fit, motivated, energetic, healthy, flexible, experienced, strong fingered Mudder Plucker. Have I convinced myself yet?    

Monday, 2 March 2015

Gozo, Gonso, God damn, by Stevie Haston.

 Climbing on Gozo is a bit weird sometimes. These Lads are playing at the bottom of one of the cliffs, they are not training to be part of ISIS, it's bang, bang, ratta, tat tat on auto. They aren't that bad, just noisy. There will be a referendum on hunting soon, and both party leaders have said beforehand they will be voting for the hunting. These supposed leaders of our morality and polite politics don't hunt themselves, but just want the hunters vote! Anyway the motive is Green, the spring is very green, there's been lots of rain, the green of eco parties does not exist, it's all a sham, here as else where.

 The motive is green in the Trench new sector, this route a 30 meter 5+ is crazy free, and you end up standing on a horizontal giant fig tree, thus the name Gormengast, it's a great route despite it's weirdly glad in green look. The Trench has many 30 meter pitches, 5+ to 8a, it's not in the guide.

 This photo shows one of the myriad mythical Cart Tracks of the island, no one knows who made these tracks, and no one knows when they where made.

Two moths not Myths, they are stuck together, it's spring I guess. Lots of flowers and good temperatures for climbing.