Climbing politics and nonsense, by Stevie Haston.

Stevie comparing fat fingers with relatives from Gozo : On the left Salvo and he has soloed pigeon crack, he is 76 year old now, and Tony who used to do pull ups with one of his son on his back.

So the guide to Malta and Gozo is printed, and will be out this week, it's not bad, in fact it's very good, and will make for a nice little visit. But the politics go on as they do, people want bolts closer together, they want standard sanitized over protected virtual climbing. The world is changing for the worst, and the people who could fight a rear guard action against this emasculated pathetic world, are now passing to the other side, or getting gentle and senile.

The new Maltese president.

The circus on Everest is yearly increasing with the last vestige of adventure stripped away, you don't even need an axe anymore, just a jumar and oxygen, and a few drugs. The money that is made on Everest by the big operators is staggering, and no wonder they fight for there right to bank it!

Anyway just because I have my name on a guide book, don't for one second think you don't need a brain, and some ability, some understanding of the climbing dangers you are in. Today a 7c of mine turned into an 8a for someone else, despite being bolted really well! 

Anyway I am unfortunaly part of this crazy world, and somewhat involved in popularizing climbing as I think it's ace, it's not fool proof, it's just ace! Today a mate from Italy did one of my 8a's, and thought it is the best route he's done, what more can I want, just fabulous wealth, and my chicks for free!

I finished bolting a route in the underworld the other day, and it's class, need to red point it now, and a few others too. Not climbing great at the moment, but it's still there. There is the perennial problem of sorting out my weight, and getting in gear. This year has been a bit all over the place but I haven't giving up, or in. And a bit of politics won't  mess things up, earning money might help. 

Give that man a job before he through himself under a buss!

As I have grown older people for some reason people think I am passed it, and employment is rare, what is rare is finding anybody that can do what I do, and that isn't boasting it's called applying for a job, as May West said "if you got it, flaunt it". So if you need a job done, and you think I might fit the bill, but I ain't cheap.

The weather has been horrible in Europe, but here in Malta climbing just goes on, and that's because we ain't really in Europe, don't tell anybody. More fun and success to you.

The value of Climbing, by Stevie Average Haston.

froth, rock, fear

The value of climbing is not that it’s the greatest thing since powdered ecstasy  joy and happiness, but that it puts day time television and politics into perspective. It’s been raining, so  I put on the TV for the weather, and watch instead discussions about plastic surgery compared  by super enhanced bimbettes  pretending that they are shocked and disgusted.

Any way down in the Underworld it wasn’t raining but it was decidedly damp and moist. The sea was running into the cave with a bit of force and thwarted our attempts to bolt a line that I had started earlier, my companion Inigo was winging with some justification, he ended up miserable scared and dejected belaying me for hours on horrible rock with sky hooks that pulled through the rock like it was digestive biscuit, I naturally think it will be another great route, it will clearly never be featured on daytime TV.

Dead Kennedys

As a reward  to Inigo I forcibly suggested that to escape we do a route called Dead Kennedys, It is magnificent but foreboding overhanging nature combined with rock that is not  guaranteed quality, has repelled all suiters, I personally love it.  My appreciation of loose rock has been surgically enhanced by my betters over the years, and my hairstyle is a bit 17th century in that I use powdered limestone to pick out high lights and compliment the colour of my pale northern skin.

Idiot ledge.

The best part of Dead Kennedys is that the belay is a bit of old pipe hammered into a crack, it wiggles seductively if you fondle or grasp it in an urgent way. On Inigo’s ascent he experienced a reluctance to fully submerge himself in the loose charms of the seductive horriface that is the dead Kennedy’s bombayment. His growing pump was reaching massive and spectacular proportions, this was not helped by a severe case of sowing machine leg, I naturally helped matters by cackling! On arrival at the pipe, we inspected his swollen concrete like forearms. His face was drained, he had infact experienced ‘a Whitey’, his hand with a watch had gone blue due to the enormous influx of blood from his head and looked like a cartoon hand, we both agreed that he needed brandy.

the 9.15 at st pancras station is arriving.

At the unfashionable café come bar where we drink there wasn’t a tattoo or bit of designer clothing in sight, we drank cheap booze, and Inigo smiled and informed me that dead Kennedys was Ace and Marvellous and Cracking and other stuff.

Team gozo hair dresser

We forgot the sea coming in like a runaway locomotive crashing into the Time Tunnel of the UnderWorld, we forgot the booming noise and the change of air pressure and decided to go again as soon as we could because it's brill. 

The Underworld sweet like a mill pond

Going wrong, by Stevie Haston

Stevie rope soloing the route, © Inigo Taylor.

When things go wrong they generally do. Do you suck or do you blow? You need to blow out the dust from drilled holes for bolts, and not suck! Anyway glue gun broke, not good. It's really hot here the glue goes off really quick .

© Inigo Taylor

Bolted three new routes, and started on one that is about a 45 meter  pitch and overhangs about 40 meters as well,  bit of a  crazy pump for someone, not too hard 8b+? We will see. Things are always easy before, never easy when red pointing, and then easy afterwards.

Inigo, Mad man bolting,

The Underworld cliff was magic the other day. Inigo has gotten over his fear of the place and seems at home there now. Funny how some make progress and others don’t. Inigo has done 7a in his first year, some people don’t progress this high in 20 years! Interestingly a 9 year old girl did 8b  this week which should put  lot of posturing men in their pathetic place. Look to what you wish to do and not the past, progress and have fun!

© Inigo Taylor

Guide to Sport Climbing in Gozo & Malta, by Stevie Haston

© Inigo Taylor

Back in Gozo for a couple of weeks of sport climbing. Yesterday at the white tower with Francesco Barbieri on an attempt to climb "Apricot Tart" 8a, one of the beautiful lines of this sector…

© Inigo Taylor

Looking at Sopu tower sector from the White tower…. The new guide book will be out this month so pre-book your copy here…and come and discover the sport climbing on Malta & Gozo, more than 500 routes...

And have more fun and success….

© Inigo Taylor

Abba helps slay roof, by Stevie Fernando Haston

Good temps produced good results, Fernando. 1x8a,1x 8a+,1x8c,1x fail 8b+, 1x8a.   

photo Inigo Taylor

Now we're old and grey Fernando

And since many years I haven't seen a chalk bag in your hand

Can you hear the chains Fernando

Can you still recall your first 8b

I can see it in your eyes 

How proud you were to fight for freedom on the cliff

So inspired by him above, and having only one beer in five weeks, dawn runs, and getting a bit better.

I can do pull ups on these with my light weight belt of 23 lbs, but it still felt hard today Fernando. 

And I still thought the last holds to the chain were poor!It does bode well for after I loose weight.

There was some friction in the air today

The stars were bright Fernando

They were shining for you and me for liberty Fernando

Though we never thought we wouldn't reach the Chains

There is no regret Fernando

If I had to do the same again

I would my friend Fernando.

If you think Abba is naff, which of course it might be, you weren't there my friends, at that weird party. 

Finger Board Theory, by Stevie doctor Haston.

You need to mimic hold shape and use different size holds for all round gains, and it is really very, very useful to be able to hold them for more than a few seconds. Climbers should try a bit longer than they think, i.e. longer than 7 seconds. 

 

Above you see a set up that provides a good selection of holds. 

Finger strength and finger performance are key elements that decide your maximum grade! What is the best way to train them? Well theres the rub! Can any one tell you? Theres alotta different stuff out there! The one thing I do know is you should put lots of work in, over as long a period as you can, with slow, slooooow increments, or progression. 

Your fingers are what really makes man unique, and the variety of hold shapes on routes is fairly endless. If you train on one shape of hold, you will get better at that hold. If you then do not train that hold you will get worse at that hold. You may also have a mental block against injury if you have already suffered finger damage. 

If you are trying too hard you will defo fook up, so extreme tests should be out; if you don't test you won't do! Max tests are nearly always a bad idea. I have only one finger weakness, its the crimp, it scares me, it messes with my head. But I haven't hurt my fingers in a very long time, so I am kinnda glad I am scared.

 This test took me longer than I thought it would! I have always prided myself on my mono strength, and years ago used to do mono one arms on nylon slings. Today I don't and I won't. Its really easy to injure the knuckle. But because I don't, this little test got further away over the years. So when I got so embarrassed by my inability to do it, I took care, and it took me a long, long time to get. Now I have got it with a margin, because I am over weight.

Here's some preparation, it's maybe even better from a climbing point of view.

 This is the Board that Mr Crusher Holds made for me especially with some better holds that I could hold for longer.

This is my best friend, the three tiered foot stool, long holds with twists in the body. I have a belief that old climbers had as strong fingers as people today, but that their boots and core are not up to todays standards.

Type writers, do em or you'll regret it, they really are the business.

Big Cliff in the sun, by Stevie Haston.

This cliff is over a thousand feet of Verdon quality rock, but it's normally infernally hot, today wasn't an exception, phew, sweat, twitch. Tried to free a really high quality route, but the first pitch is 8a in direct sun, small holds, tricky moves, sun stroke, whacking of head type of thing as feet slip off…. 

Some folk having a bit of a battle to our left, way too hot at the end of October, But there's a ridiculously long bird ban on the cliff!!!!!!! It's not the climbers, it's the hunters, and lack of food Mr Bird People, wake up.

This cliff is banned and there are no ledges for nests, hello bird people wake up!

This cliff  is brill it's bird banned don't ask me why never seen a bird on it, it's got three route I want to free though. Seven pitches overhanging in the orange! 

Praying Mantis, nice, me praying for some cooperation with the stupid bird restrictions on this cliff. Talked to one of the bird guys, he was a power mad lunatic, asked him why he didn't ban the hunters and of course he said well we can't they are too powerful a voting lobby, so that's right folks, the climbers and walkers are banned.