I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Tuesday, 25 June 2019

Train in vain, by Stevie Haston,

Training for what? Training against the boredom of a very boring life perhaps! Anyway my life is flat, its pacific, its ordinary, its ok. Hows the training going, its flat-shoulder is not co operating. I decided to do what lots of men are doing, I decided to get tattoos, I decided to grow a beard, I decided to volunteer to launch Boris Johnston to Neptune along with a few locally grown politicians.


 Then I found this, I found it on a long swim, mostly one handed, or no handed, because of zee shoulder. On finding this I gave up on the idea of tattoos! I recommend finding big caves rather than painting your skin with your old girlfriends name and sea anchors or dragons. This cave is 40 meters to the lip, then a n overhanging wall to a steeper lip. It's just what the psychological doctor chap recommended. 



 An easy but very good looking line.
Such a fine line, I'll hate to see it go!



The groove just in the shade has a crack at the back and doesn't look too hard, it looks class though, 3 or 4 pitches.


 The swim was 3 and a half hours, plus 35 mins walk up the hill home, result = fitness of sorts in one bang for your buck. Do I recommend this kind of training? No I don't! Something a bit more rational is in order.


 Training my sun flower!


A little dumb bell work never hurt any one.


Climbing with a couple of divers recently, dad, had climbed out door but son hadn't, very happy to show them a little of Gozo's best.

Sunday, 16 June 2019

Never enough, by Stevie Haston.

The death of humans looks very much on the cards at the moment, temperatures of 38 degrees have nearly wiped out my garden! The garden that is the habitable world for the lucky rich people will rapidly shrink, what to do? There is no solution, better kiss your ass goodbye!


Dolphins were a very common sight when I was a small child, now they are very rare. At the moment I am trying not to think about the downside in my life but look at positive things-I go climbing and have a vegetable garden, and this causes me pleasure. That's my mantra! A bit head in the sand, you might say. You expect more of me I know, but I have to let you down and just go climbing! 


Me and zee dog, Mandy and Christina enjoying the good thing that life is, nobody around a little rat for the dog to chase, and fantastic 25 to 30 meter climbs.


Christina at the top of this superb chasm, only one on the island to be so grandiose.

Inside the chasm are another 2 routes which stay cool in the hot times.

The hot times for the world are just starting, crazy Prime ministers, Presidents, making poor people pay for the rich peoples mistakes is the end time. Go climbing.


Sunday, 2 June 2019

Climbing first and second. By Stevie Haston.

I climb 4 days a week on average, its enough. More would be less, less enjoyment, less time to do some important things. What are the important things, first one is looking after what is left of myself, there isn't much left, no need to show off, a need to be content, a need not to push the envelope but envelope nice things. Indeed pushing the envelope is a strange sounding thing isn't it, you might as well push a pea nut down the road with your nose, as push an envelope!


 my garden has lots of courgettes, and toms, and peppers, onions, salad, the need to rub my toes in the soil and know where my veg is coming from is strong in me


Do I want to climb more? Do I want to die? Do I want to even flirt with danger? I don't want to hurt my little body anymore, I want to walk up 8a like it was a path, but hey ordinariness has shrouded me in its awful cloak. Yes climbing is still fundamentally important, but it's complicated, no money, lack of fitness, motivation is so much easier when you have a big wad of cash to burn.


 My latest climbing pupil is a natural. Training is going well, I expect a breakthrough in cat grades shortly.


 The local religion calls for a public display of your sins and punishment, yes it is a bit medieval, I always fancy doing this but they don't have chains long enough for me. Several years ago, on Easter Sunday I did the biggest roof I had ever done, its a 50 meter pitch through a horizontal roof, motivation was easier then, plus I didn't have a garden, I didn't drink and did my finger boarding religiously. Fitness should be your religion, but so should vegetables, so should swimming in the sea...

 Cant wait for the white turnips, can't wait for my shoulder to take a bit of a heavy set of pull ups, want to do *a again before I die.

 Smiling people after a days climbing, very few things are as good as a great climb or 10, what do you say Paige?

Friday, 10 May 2019

Training for ever, Stevie Haston.

If you have had the privilege of an interesting and wide life , you might have seen some of the wonders of the world. Some people think I am one of the lucky ones, but I beg to differ, and I will explain. Please have patience with me.


 I used to see Dolphins nearly every time I went to Comino (a little island near mine) but that was over 50 years ago! I n my life time, around 60% of animals have disappeared! From my perspective I am not lucky, the demise of all that diversity and joy of life is gone, most probably never to return.


Life is a thin cord easily damaged but we are actively hacking at it with a machete. Why is our greed killing us?


These are Tuna bones, Tuna can be huge, I have seen a few big ones swimming lately because there has been a ban on fishing them and they are recovering a little, maybe that's only here. But there is evidence they are poached, because of course humans are like that.


I love cliffs and climbing please liberated cliffs, they are one of the few places constricted humans can have some joy. There are many restrictions on climbers and walkers and nature lovers, ranging from mad hunters to people wanting to protect things. Protection is wonderful but come on, we can't even get into the country in some places, because of Grouse hunters in the UK for example, or some other crazy idea like there is no right to roam.


We need to climb over some fences, to get to what we need in life. This particular fence is made of plastic, it lasted a week before the sea broke it! Humans arnt very clever, we are using our planet like a toilet, and flushing it back into the sink.


The cat, is a hunter, my new cat will have a collar with some colour on it to give the birds an extra chance of escaping, birds  are dying here, loss of habitat, and yes CATS.


 May you all have cool sunsets, but be careful they arnt because of pollution like in some places. 


Train hard for climbing, train hard for life, please train your kids to take control of these crazy run away governments.


Climbing is ace, but if we live like mice in a treadmill and climb our lives away on plastic in dusty rooms arnt we missing out?


The march of feet, the march of time, the march of over population. Please stop having children, please do some thing about climate change, please please train yourself into opposing the powers that be in this insane march towards death of this wonderful world.

Saturday, 6 April 2019

Too Lazy to Train, time to die! By Stevie lazy Haston.

Are you Lazy? Do you have trouble with motivation? Can you even say MOTIVATION? Have you given up, or are about to? If so, this might be for you. This morning I was so depressed by Mrs May and her idiot "plan", and that American Orangubafoon, and Windmill cancer, and Macron o Micron making a deals with Monsanto, and invading Venezuela for oil, but pretending it was about something else, that I wanted to just stay in bed with a furry toy!


80 meters to the sea.

But hey I didnt-I went and made a cup of shitty coffee, and because I still suffer from  ADD, I timed it. 3mins 30 secs for a shitty powdered coffee cup of dirty water as the Italians would call it. What can you do with 3 mins 30 seconds when you really want to kick ten politicians in the head. So guys I just did that, I visualised every dip stick politician and kicked them in the ankle, the shin, the knee, the thigh, the groin, the Liver, floating ribs, solar Plexus, chin, neck, temple. Axe kicking  them to the head for a finish-they have to be fairly short for this as my technique is bad at the moment, so I chose some of midget money washing men to target. I fell over at around 3 mins, got up from the floor, poured the water into a mug with some dubious coffee grains in it, and walked to the desk. I didnt even excersise for the full time, felt completly spent, but felt better.

Could you get fit in the time it takes to make a cup of coffee I wondered? Don't know, interesting question. If you said to your self I will have 4 cups of coffeee which takes 14 to 15mins to make you might be able to get fit in 15 mins of ex a day. There is probably some one out there who is very strong or fit, who certainly looks great on 15 mins a day!

It is recorded that Banister the first man to break the 4 min barrier for the mile did very, very brief training. How brief? He ran for 10 mins-he was the fastest man in the world at a mile on 10 mins training, or the time it takes to make less than three cups of coffee! Hard to believe, yes it is, but there you go!
Could 10 mins climbing training get you anywhere in climbing? Yes it could. Here's how, taking a leaf out of Banisters tree. Take a first joint finger edge, and on the min do a few pull ups, not many pull ups, certainly not your max, then hang on your finger tips at near full extension till you drop off. That's it, you can rest for two mins between hangs. Aim to get better, that's more pull ups, longer hangs, or better pull ups etc. Will this get you to a high standard? Yes and no. Climbing is a very complicated sport with many rooms to get lost in,  but yes you will improve. Crazy isn't it.


If you can't do pull ups, just hang-it will still work. If you are really good, use harder grips, smaller holds, slower pull ups, and a heavy lead
 belt!
If you have any more time, most people do, do something else, run around a park, play a physical game, do some yoga, have fun and success, stay healthy by eating good food.


Remember Roy Batty in Blade runner?

'I'ave seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, I watched C beams glitter near Tanhauser gate. All these things will be lost, unless you do 10 sets of 10, you will cry when you fail on your next route! Believe in 10x10, or get Windmill Presidents.'




the view from my new gaff, not as nice as my old view.

Wednesday, 27 March 2019

Tipping Points, by Stevie Tipsy Haston>

So, you know that the world will, and is not conforming to CO2 control, you know that life is on a slow but accelerating slide to overpopulation, incineration and very, very, bad things. What should you do? Have faith in politicians, or take your small savings out of the bank, and just go climbing. Thats a no brainer. If you have to ask your self you are an ostrich, except your head is not in the sand.


Not the Three Legged Man!


This is me feeling happy, swimming diving and a bit of bouldering, Egypt.


Denise and I, clever feet, ankles, knees, hips, torso, shoulders, we are a chain of movement that results in cool movement called climbing if we are lucky, or we are a catastrophe.


 A great cliff with 6a to 8b+, getting washed


 a little light abseiling....


 Where darkness and light meet, the border between dreams and normal, the happy place, move or plummet..


A beginners sea cliff getting sorted..


Aunt Rosa just died, she is free from pain at least.

Friday, 22 March 2019

Friends, enemies, combatants, clowns, by Stevie serious Haston

When you do word association you sometimes can get some real nice combos, like Politicians and garbage, or Rock and happy place! Sometimes my happy place is with people, I have various people I like to climb with, more than I used to for sure.


Denis looking good, he is a very cool headed Tech Diver ...


I have changed the colour of the balls, face is still puce and perhaps more florid.


 Didi in Alaska a few years ago, sad to think there will be some mountains with out their snow soon due to Global warming and greed.


Doesn't the Isle of Man have a three legged Man as its symbol? This leg is now the belay of the obviously named Three Legged Man. Gozo joke.



A young doctor from Cambridge going airborne..



Some of you don't like me using the S word, but hey people, and institutions are, or can be stupid. Here is an example of Stupid. Gozo replaced a safty rail, and it lasted a few weeks, I saw a guy nearly die. Money wasted, plastic, chemical foam, building rubbish thrown into the gorge, all STUPID.

 Two young guys, first abseils, first outdoor climbing = big success.


zee new cat, adopted, it was dying, covered in
 excrement, just a bag of bones, it is now master of the house!

Friday, 8 March 2019

Hello is it me your looking for? By Stevie Haston.

My computer has blown up, if you need to employ me try again. I offer many services to do with rock climbing. Anyway while my computer blew up, and I moved house I somehow managed to do 23 new routes! I need a bit of help with buying bolts, and glue, and keeping my own gear up to date. Please donate on my donation button at the top of the page if you are in a position to do so. Thanks to Rob from Bavaria for helping me clean and do some of the routes-let the good times roll.



 Lovely rock, easy routes for the most part although there is an 8b in the arch for the strong and clever of foot.


Indian Rope trick doesnt always work or is that a racist phrase now?


More lovely rock.....

So much rock so little time! My shoulder gets a little better by the week but progress towards old fitness seems a light year away,perhaps I will be happy with half fitness for once. I prepared a few really nice muscular routes near my new house to inspire me to get back on the Monkey Grindstone-lets see what the summer will bring.