I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Saturday, 6 April 2019

Too Lazy to Train, time to die! By Stevie lazy Haston.

Are you Lazy? Do you have trouble with motivation? Can you even say MOTIVATION? Have you given up, or are about to? If so, this might be for you. This morning I was so depressed by Mrs May and her idiot "plan", and that American Orangubafoon, and Windmill cancer, and Macron o Micron making a deals with Monsanto, and invading Venezuela for oil, but pretending it was about something else, that I wanted to just stay in bed with a furry toy!


80 meters to the sea.

But hey I didnt-I went and made a cup of shitty coffee, and because I still suffer from  ADD, I timed it. 3mins 30 secs for a shitty powdered coffee cup of dirty water as the Italians would call it. What can you do with 3 mins 30 seconds when you really want to kick ten politicians in the head. So guys I just did that, I visualised every dip stick politician and kicked them in the ankle, the shin, the knee, the thigh, the groin, the Liver, floating ribs, solar Plexus, chin, neck, temple. Axe kicking  them to the head for a finish-they have to be fairly short for this as my technique is bad at the moment, so I chose some of midget money washing men to target. I fell over at around 3 mins, got up from the floor, poured the water into a mug with some dubious coffee grains in it, and walked to the desk. I didnt even excersise for the full time, felt completly spent, but felt better.

Could you get fit in the time it takes to make a cup of coffee I wondered? Don't know, interesting question. If you said to your self I will have 4 cups of coffeee which takes 14 to 15mins to make you might be able to get fit in 15 mins of ex a day. There is probably some one out there who is very strong or fit, who certainly looks great on 15 mins a day!

It is recorded that Banister the first man to break the 4 min barrier for the mile did very, very brief training. How brief? He ran for 10 mins-he was the fastest man in the world at a mile on 10 mins training, or the time it takes to make less than three cups of coffee! Hard to believe, yes it is, but there you go!
Could 10 mins climbing training get you anywhere in climbing? Yes it could. Here's how, taking a leaf out of Banisters tree. Take a first joint finger edge, and on the min do a few pull ups, not many pull ups, certainly not your max, then hang on your finger tips at near full extension till you drop off. That's it, you can rest for two mins between hangs. Aim to get better, that's more pull ups, longer hangs, or better pull ups etc. Will this get you to a high standard? Yes and no. Climbing is a very complicated sport with many rooms to get lost in,  but yes you will improve. Crazy isn't it.


If you can't do pull ups, just hang-it will still work. If you are really good, use harder grips, smaller holds, slower pull ups, and a heavy lead
 belt!
If you have any more time, most people do, do something else, run around a park, play a physical game, do some yoga, have fun and success, stay healthy by eating good food.


Remember Roy Batty in Blade runner?

'I'ave seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, I watched C beams glitter near Tanhauser gate. All these things will be lost, unless you do 10 sets of 10, you will cry when you fail on your next route! Believe in 10x10, or get Windmill Presidents.'




the view from my new gaff, not as nice as my old view.

Wednesday, 27 March 2019

Tipping Points, by Stevie Tipsy Haston>

So, you know that the world will, and is not conforming to CO2 control, you know that life is on a slow but accelerating slide to overpopulation, incineration and very, very, bad things. What should you do? Have faith in politicians, or take your small savings out of the bank, and just go climbing. Thats a no brainer. If you have to ask your self you are an ostrich, except your head is not in the sand.


Not the Three Legged Man!


This is me feeling happy, swimming diving and a bit of bouldering, Egypt.


Denise and I, clever feet, ankles, knees, hips, torso, shoulders, we are a chain of movement that results in cool movement called climbing if we are lucky, or we are a catastrophe.


 A great cliff with 6a to 8b+, getting washed


 a little light abseiling....


 Where darkness and light meet, the border between dreams and normal, the happy place, move or plummet..


A beginners sea cliff getting sorted..


Aunt Rosa just died, she is free from pain at least.

Friday, 22 March 2019

Friends, enemies, combatants, clowns, by Stevie serious Haston

When you do word association you sometimes can get some real nice combos, like Politicians and garbage, or Rock and happy place! Sometimes my happy place is with people, I have various people I like to climb with, more than I used to for sure.


Denis looking good, he is a very cool headed Tech Diver ...


I have changed the colour of the balls, face is still puce and perhaps more florid.


 Didi in Alaska a few years ago, sad to think there will be some mountains with out their snow soon due to Global warming and greed.


Doesn't the Isle of Man have a three legged Man as its symbol? This leg is now the belay of the obviously named Three Legged Man. Gozo joke.



A young doctor from Cambridge going airborne..



Some of you don't like me using the S word, but hey people, and institutions are, or can be stupid. Here is an example of Stupid. Gozo replaced a safty rail, and it lasted a few weeks, I saw a guy nearly die. Money wasted, plastic, chemical foam, building rubbish thrown into the gorge, all STUPID.

 Two young guys, first abseils, first outdoor climbing = big success.


zee new cat, adopted, it was dying, covered in
 excrement, just a bag of bones, it is now master of the house!

Friday, 8 March 2019

Hello is it me your looking for? By Stevie Haston.

My computer has blown up, if you need to employ me try again. I offer many services to do with rock climbing. Anyway while my computer blew up, and I moved house I somehow managed to do 23 new routes! I need a bit of help with buying bolts, and glue, and keeping my own gear up to date. Please donate on my donation button at the top of the page if you are in a position to do so. Thanks to Rob from Bavaria for helping me clean and do some of the routes-let the good times roll.



 Lovely rock, easy routes for the most part although there is an 8b in the arch for the strong and clever of foot.


Indian Rope trick doesnt always work or is that a racist phrase now?


More lovely rock.....

So much rock so little time! My shoulder gets a little better by the week but progress towards old fitness seems a light year away,perhaps I will be happy with half fitness for once. I prepared a few really nice muscular routes near my new house to inspire me to get back on the Monkey Grindstone-lets see what the summer will bring.

Sunday, 17 February 2019

The gift of tomorrow, by Stevie today Haston.

Good evening, welcome to the sun, infact set your controls for the heart of the sun, maybe wear sun glasses. Today I did two new routes with the help of Alex. If you guys out there want more routes you should donate something to my money button at the top of my page, its marked Donation or something obvious like that. I have had donations from Americans who rarely visit, and from UK, but from the Maltese its not been very much. Why is this? Donate if you can, if you climb here donate. Yesterday I was chasing lots of trail bikers off a path, it's police work, not mine. The damage they were doing was incredible!
  


 Abseiling down to do Atomic Trouser Filler only 6a but you will swear at me for sure. Will anybody ever believe this is only 6a?


That's line of Atomic Trouser filler! Its more than a line, it's a line and a half, it's the line I hated to see go, it's a song etc.



Alex looking a bit sick , and this was the less exposed one!.


Alex looking a bit perturbed on a 5+ move, it could do with a bolt more for the leader here, donate if you want a bolt. This is a three pitch great route after traffic, and me adding a bit more gear it will be class.


Why are you staring at the belay? Its bomber.


Easy ground, but steep, and impressive.


Last pitch on the easy route, it's magic, easy but magic! Behind the fat man climbing, is the crazy, but easy line of theAtomic Trouser Filler, the "Bestest" route I have done on the Maltese Islands.

Dwarf flowers here that people make fancy tea out of!

It was a very nice day, there is still work to do to make these routes enjoyable for others in stead of Atomic Trouser Fillers. Donate please.

 

Friday, 15 February 2019

Training or politics, by Stevie non political Haston.

Training is the foundation of getting better, how do you get better with out training. If you dont train you stay the same. So train.
Now to Politics. Politics are out of control, and certainly out of an individuals control, so the best thing is to buddy up for a revolution, because you aint going to change anything by voting!
Now that we are clear - train yourself. You can train to be a better person while your at it.


 Training your body is not that hard, its called work and rest!
Training you mind is a little bit tricky, gurus come in handy. Beware the false Guru!


Caroline on the around Gozo trail, 5 hours hard walking, or more each day for 5 days.

 An ancient wine press, this is Pheonician.


The sea is training the cliffs, the power is amazing on days like this, why this power is not harnessed is obviously a trick of politics and money!

 A bit of everyday litter and rubbish. This is in an EU area that is noted for birds and plants covered by protection regulation yet has a quarry, bird trappers, hunters, rubbish, and mechanised trail bikes ...

 Bird trapping season is long finished, this is not allowed now, net mesh is also not allowed no, this is catching small birds. Totally against regulations and politician turn a blind eye. These hunters and terrorise walkers and climbers bird watchers and everybody who tries to access the countryside. Train people to be nice, or nicer.


 This is not true this is government land-it just stops peoples access.


 Does anybody know what this is? Its big, big bone is 2 feet long.

Caroline and Dan finishing an around Gozo walk, how many Gozitans have done this, these two nice people are frm Calafornia.

I will put some training stuff together this year to try and motivate you and myself. This week I put a fare bit of leg work in and had three climbning sessions. Plus pull ups. Lets see.

Tuesday, 5 February 2019

Finger and wrist exs, by Stevie semi strong Haston.

Feeling weak? Yes, me as well!
Get strong! How?
The best way to get strong for climbing in general terms is to go climbing, most of us don't have that luxury. Climbing is also a bit tweaky on certain muscles. I myself have always had trouble with my fingers in the crimped position, and been injured many times! So some safe, or easy to regulate controlled stuff, instead of pulling on a tiny crimp in a dangerous position might be in order. Or thinking about things to maximise  your training in a short time might help. As Wolfgang Gullich said, the biggest muscle is your brain!


This is a very old school ,very, very calibrated spring loaded device that can be used to train, or measure your strength. It's used just for grip strength which you might call hand strength but here I am using it to isolate my fingers and isolate them in a crimp position.


This is what I used to do at school, and believe it or not, this worked a treat, my crimp was never as strong as when I was a kid. Never was lighter, than when I was a kid either!  I would simply make the crimp position, and crimp it a bit harder, with or without the thumb. "Bored at school" was a real risk, this simple position helped keep dreams alive.


Finger boards have really made the weekend warriors job a bit easier. Get one, wear one out, you will get strong.


Any ring work will make you strong, just hanging off them when you are fat and out of shape will get you strong. The pair of rings (above photo) are extra thick, they were extra strong because I used to use extra charge, I still love them, Ice climbers should all have a pair of thick rings! But everybody needs these! Rings also spin which means your elbow tendons don't get stuck in that horrible place that can cause chronic pain.


Unbalanced dumb bells are real fun, so is having broken toes, never train with out shoes!


Palm facing you, there is a fancy word you can use if you want for this movement. You should also do pull ups or machine pull downs, with your palms facing you and with palms facing away. Mix it up.


Palms facing away.

Try a few of these, why don't you?