I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Thursday, 8 October 2015

Loosing the thread, by Stevie Haston.

 threads, big threads!

If you haven't been climbing and are watching instead Cameron stand in front of rich people telling bare faced fibs, and mis quoting the new labour leader you are really unlucky. I shouldn't remind you, but I will for a few seconds, because in my entire life I have never seen politics in Britain going so bad. There is a deep zenphobia which was only whipped up like this in the late thirties by a certain Adolf, beware.

 Young Patrick before a small splash got him, I'd had a rinse a bath and a shower.

Had a great day with Patrick, lots of pitches, relaxed, and one of my favourite cliffs in the best of condition. He did a second ascent, and confirmed my suspicion of a slight grade inaccuracy on my part!

 Pareick checking out a bit of a new line.

Went to a new cave, checked it out swam there the other day, today it was rougher, but I jumped in the end, to check out the deep interior. Getting out was a bit of a problem with the swell, and the razor rock, proper scared I was!

checking out a 7c+ in trainers probably an error.

As Neitzsche   never said, "checking out 7c+'s in your trainers will only make you stronger".   You can do stupid things, but you might have to pay in the end. There's trouble brewing all over Europe, and it will be the poor, and the middle who get it. And what do we expect when we bomb countries and some of us get rich through all that death. Go climbing, but vote for Labour next time, or there won't be any climbing.

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Candy Coated Misery, by Stevie happy Haston.

young Patrick, pushing not pulling.

 You can't push enough on your feet, right? Even when your strong you will run out of arm strength, right? Patrick my young mate came second in a Speed climbing and in consequence came to me stronger than last time,  but in that blur of speed his feet are a bit left behind. Out side is outside, the Olympics will be inside and plastic, the out side will always be won by Wizards, and Magicians, sorceresses, and other sundry folk who are strong as gorilla's.    

I have to say I am as weak as american beer at the moment, when Iave all ways been more triple distilled full cask strength navy rum. Iave got lots of skill, still I found Candy Coated Misery a slab by 6c desperatum, you can't pull on it, its compulsory misery of the feet. It was Patrick's little task today, he needed to be reminded about those strange appendages at the end of his legs!
 Patrick on Steerpike Crack stiff little crack.

A lovely day climbing some classic routes, tomorrow big overhangs, yippee! 
And tomorrow we will use zee feet even more, and zee hips and zee shoulders and zee brain. Zee holistic approach. 

Steer pike crack, a moderate route which see's many falls.

It's hot, a few more days in paradise and will be going to see my friend Jessie and hopefully climb in Dresden, Czech Republic and zee frankenJurra.

Saturday, 3 October 2015

Let them eat Fruit Cake. by Stevie Haston.

 Blurry Alex.

As you probably know by now theres a lot of climbing to be done on the Maltese Islands. But new routes take time and money. Please do not take my info and make a guide book with out doing the work! Please buy the guide book to Malta, where the money goes back to the routes, and the climbing infrastructure. 

 This is another new sector.

There is going to be a  better air or flight service from Edinburgh, good news for you Scots, and Northeners starved of sunshine. There is going to be a new service from Koln in Germany, good news for you people from those lowland areas covered in fog, plagued by good beer. I think both services will be starting in March of next year. Malta is looking foreward to this climbing immigration.

 Sector Steeeeep.

Strangely enough I will be heading north to Czech Republic in a week or so, to get embarrassed on zee sandstone. And of course drink the odd 'Pivo', is that how you say it? 

Sector Groovy on the left, sector Bruno on the right.

Apologies for the quality of the photos, it's a new camera, hopefully will get the hang of it soon. I took a little film with it underwater the other day, lost most of it by pressing the wrong button! So to get the little bit of film and photos, I swum a mile or so, dived a bit down into an underwater cave etc. To do lots of routes you, get bruised, scrape skin, eat dust, get covered in toxic glue ….. Thanks Simon from Malta Climbing Club for a few bolts and a tube of glue…. sorry for the Spanish App to Maltese climbing. People should respect route equipers work!

Thursday, 1 October 2015

Pull ups in the water, by Stevie sodden Haston.

 Alex going for a swim thru.

Alexi the enormous joviale weight lifter from former Russia reportedly did 'cleans' in a swimming pool. Thats "cleans", as in "Clean and Jerk", which now that I think about it sounds even more suspect. Let's say he did partial lifts in a swimming pool to assist the lowest bit of the lift, and thus save energy, and help with developing speed. Although clearly in the enhanced and heavy class, Alexi was no fool, and used everything in his enormous power to make himself better. So, why are you not? Well, because your busy I suppose.

Checking out a really rare and unusual fossil and doing a water assisted pull up at the same time.

I was looking through some medical papers the other day, and found some fairly obvious facts about girls, and puberty which might cast some light on girls, and their recent spurt in climbing prowess.  As every one should know, girls mature a couple of years before boys, it's complicated, but if I say a few hormones are at work no body should get bent out of shape. This might allow them to take up training, and acquire muscle before boys! It's fairly clear in their production of insulin, and insulin is often taken by bodybuilders today. The famous "big boy hormone" testosterone is only one of the factors that help growth and strength.

 a new sector, Sector Odysseus.

On a little swim passed the foreign climbers, one pair from America, one from Germany, you enter a different realm. It's a bit more gothic, it's a bit more  gravity rich, less comfy, more swords, and wrestling.

the arch, did those Creek refugees from another war, park their boat here, there's bollards cut in the rock, to anchor a boat in bad weather.

The water had a few jelly fish which stung me, I got zapped by three. These jellies are harder to see than the more common ones, almost transparent with long tentacles, which leave whip like marks on you. Anyway if you continue this swim, you can go all the way to the Orchestral area, with it's Arch! A good swim, with lots of Damsel fish. Watch out for fisherman's boats, and traps being lowered off the cliffs. I was very lucky, and saw the biggest Grouper I'ave seen for thirty years. It's rare they get a chance to get bigger than a few pounds in weight now, but this one was the size of a medium pig. At this size they are males, they are all females to start, and males after a certain age, at which they  become the breeding studs. That is why they are important.  Anyway don't forget to have a good swim if you come over to climb.

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Gozo climbing? By Stevie Haston.

 There's  a great deal of climbing on my island of Gozo, and it seems that nobody knows about it! So here you go,  I'll tell you a little. Gozo is a pleasant tourist island with a cultural history that is as long as any where. Megalithic temples, Medieval Forts, More modern stuff, nearly 400 hundred attractive climbs, and lots of Trad climbing and deep water soloing with a little bouldering. We get many climbers from different parts of the world, and we need them, we need them in a couple of ways, we need their money, and we need their support for our sport.

 Gozo has very reliable weather, which is just changing from the heat of Summer to the less hot Autumn. Autumn is still very warm, but there's a little wind now, and a few clouds which very often produce incredible colourful skies. The sea too is warm, a pleasure. The climbing as I'ave said is very good, and getting better. 

 The climbing here is very varied, all grades, all angles of terrain, and we have inland and sea cliffs.
If you have the time please like this page as we would like to make the climbing better, and convince local people and government of this great resort to enjoyment health and adventure.


This is just a Face book page and we hope to expand info stuff and photos.

The guide book to the islands is very good, I should know as some of my work is in it. Good maps and info. There are of course three islands, Malta the bigger one is the one you will fly to, and land on. Comino is the tiny middle island, with lots of deep water soloing, and adventure swimming and diving. Gozo is in my opinion defiantly worth one or two weeks of anybodies time as a climbing holiday, and represents good value. So come to Gozo have a great climbing holiday. This goes for the  Maltese too, this week I have seen more people from abroad than locals, it's probably time you came back, the newly developed cliff of Fruit Cake Land is as good as it gets,  while the White tower is the cliff to give you stamina for Europian sports cliffs. Come and visit Gozo, support Gozo climbing.

Saturday, 26 September 2015

Everest, Cameron Piggate and Volkswagaon. by Stevie Emissions Haston.

This is a little cliff on Gozo, we are trying to negotiate with the land owner for non  damaging access.

 The Everest film is out, some people say it's good, others say it's bad. One of the critics is John Krackauer, a man who wrote a good book about the debacle where a few people lost their lives. John is a very interesting intelligent man who was also a very able climber, he says he deeply regrets ever going to Everest now. Everest for me was interesting in some ways, notably for the crass humans who crawled over it for money and glory. I don't blame John for his regrets, I lost a lot of money on Everest and had a general shite time, best day I had was snow boarding a lesser lump of snow nearby. I took exception to a few things in Johns book 'Into thin Air', and probably preferred Anatolis Boukreevs book on the famous, and now very lucrative death of a few people. I still advise people to read both accounts. Krackow has moved on to produce brilliant work, check out his new film on Mormons.

 Sitting ducks surrounded by rubbish.

Everest was nearly climbed by some daft, eccentric, tweed wearing Brits in the 1920s, in todays age of exploration perhaps we should be portraying something other than the foibles of rich trophy hunters. This week has been interesting in many ways, a Prime Minister has been accused of using his member as a tooth brush on a Hoggs head, and Volkswagen have been found to lie about emissions which could add more than 5000 deaths due to pollution! 5OOO deaths compared to a few people on a snowy blob!

 climbing equipment isn't perfect!

Going thru a rucksack of gear I threw away  about 20 bits and bobs, they had kinnda exploded. It's a reminder of what salt, and a few other chemicals will do to your gear. I had a few camming devices which really got it, Iam not going to give names of the crabs, as it effects all forged crabs in my opinion, and Iam not going to name the camming device, it's a good one, but there's a serious miss match of materials that customers might not like.

   these are binned!

There's a great deal of fantastic gear, some of the gear now is so finely engineered it is a bit like a carbon bike, It needs constant attention, and watching. You should know your gear, and how to use it, as well as your own limitations. Everest is strangely on the limit of human physiology, a fact that has been known since the 1920s, stupidity, greed, and emissions on the other hand may be on the increase, or disguised. 
Saudi Arabia (our friends and buyers of our overpriced weapons) are about to make Atheism a crime, when in fact you should get a medal for it. Thank god (haha forgot he doesn't exist) there's no Everest in  the land that started Wahhabism.  Oh, and they said they are going to crucify a 17 year old boy for taking part in a political demo. All hail.

Friday, 25 September 2015

Tourism, Trash, Tourette, and Towers. by Stevie swearing Haston.

Will these kids grow up Obese? Hopefully not.

 Malta has just won the Obesity lottery in the EU, obviously not very proud of this one. We are now the fattest people who seem to do the least, if it matters on a recent trip to America we seemed equal in mass. Our islands don't have much and we are increasingly sacrificing them to the gods of tourism. We need tourism but we don't need trash and being crowded out of our own beaches and cafes!

 Litter is not nice, this lot will get washed into the sea, but it won't be out of sight.

We attract people who throw their rubbish away, the locals dump building material, we have hardly any country walks because there is very little public land, and no pressure for country activities from politicians. 

 The Azure Window, emblematic rock arch were walking is prohibited!

This beautiful rock arch is slowly collapsing, and it is our biggest touristic attraction. The tourists come in busses, taxis, jeep safaris, and one or two adventurous cyclists. The tourist buy a coke, or a beer, throw the can away, and go away. The locals often then come at night to BBQ, and leave further rubbish. The few climbers we get stay for one or two weeks, care and appreciate our rocks, we want more tourists like these.

 Sumptuous rock, this climb on this tower has been threatened by quarrying for road metal!

I watched a young man throw himself off the arch this week, he went to hospital in a critical condition. It was a macho act that I criticised even though I have done the same thing! It's easy to complain, but it's not easy to solve things. Perhaps some walks amoung the flowers for people who love the countryside should be made or encouraged. Perhaps more climbing could be done for the young to express themselves in a safe adventurous way. It's crowded here, the world is increasingly more crowded, so we must help each other more. This week a local boy of fourteen died of injuries when his friend landed on his back in a small jump, the solution to this is a court case, and probably another restriction. People are loosing any sense they had! We need more education, help with sport, help with eating properly and be encouraged to help our islands be a better place to live and visit.

Cicada are called ugly, and are very noisy a bit like tourists, but they don't leave litter.

It's nice being home on Gozo and Malta, but picking up litter is not really what I came back for. I came back to enjoy the sea, not aluminium cans and plastic. The sea has very little life in it, and it's dirty after all the boats and swimmers. There were a few days when flocks of Bee Eater birds gathered over my village  before going home to Africa, it was fantastic. These bird days are rare today. When I was young there were clouds of Quail, and turtle dove. those days are gone. Today its clouds of rubbish in the sea and land, and a wealth of plump tourists, wealth of course is not the appropriate word, it's budget tourism!