I'm a woman

I'm a woman
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Thursday, 24 February 2011

Stupidity Flu epidemic strikes Britain, by Stevie Immune Haston.

So the world is mad, right, you know this. But is it getting worse? Probably but certain things mask your ability to judge, or even your will to judge. Do you have a job you don’t like, or is it worse? Do you have a job you hate, with a boss who perhaps tweaks your tight buns, and makes evil suggestions about the weekend. Yes, you do, don’t you. I knew it. You acquiesce in your prickly predicament because you have a mortgage, you don’t tell your slimy superior to stick it where the sun don’t shine do you? You’re not brave your normal, most likely, your more normal than normal, you’re spineless. I live in Italy, we are not spineless, we are just too well fed, and we have mamas who love us, that’s why we can’t get a rid of shameless presidents with huge Viagra addictions and worrying    connections with the underworld. The whole of North Africa is more than perturbed, its on fire, and we of course watch football!
Anyway the other day, or was it most of the last year, I did some writing for Mags, the net, and other nefarious, naughty, self interested bodies who would pay me. Get this and get this straight, I had no ulterior motive, yes my unworldly friends it was for gathering shekels, garnering guineas, gathering geld. It wasn’t to preen, I am past preening, I am a grumpy old sportsman, I don’t care about you. Or do I? Maybe yes, maybe no. Do you owe me money?
Anyway the other day I was too tired to run, and couldn’t be arsed to suffer the cold climbing, so went prospecting for attractive boulders to climb. Or do I mean drape my be-logoed, trim, muscular body over, and thus accrue a gaggle of grumpy divorced grannies, as a harem. So I walked down a cold valley, which had about a dozen unclimbed frozen cascades in, and was pretty psyched to think of those nice looking lines waiting for impoverished Scottish lads to swarm up. But I was looking for a boulder rather than a 200 meter waterfall. As I looked over a bridge, I saw eggs, giant eggs. They were clearly frogspawn affected by radiation, and had thus mutated into something strange, and subversive.  What governments are not telling you is that earth has become a target, not just for extraterrestrials, but also for low forms of life. With the recent spread of the Internet, the universe at large is starting to understand how stupid humans are, and what an easy target they are. Not content with trying to kill each other for spurious reasons, like land, riches, oil for SUVs’ that they can’t drive, humans are now are trying to inoculate themselves against some fairly harmless viruses with more lethal consequences to themselves. The British government was conned into buying expensive flu vaccine, and then tried to inoculate an unwilling public with it. Pig Flu, Bird Flu, and now Frog Flu, but look what’s happened to the Frogs. Jesus, they are getting stronger, and bigger. Take care dear reader. But there is hope, a virus which was designed to make Anacondas smaller, and farmable, went wrong, thus creating a subspecies called Acconcaguares, these are very big snakes, and should we hope take care of the frogs. But what do we do with the Acconcagauras, surely they are uncontrollable being nearly 7000 meters long! Or are they 7000 meters high, I can’t remember, shit I am confused now, I better consult a climbing magazine for the truth.