I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
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Saturday, 12 February 2011

Racist Running Statistics by Stevie Sartorially Sozzaled Haston

So, Pissed as a parrot, whose Mrs Parrot, has just pissed off with the Priatic Pompiers of Perpignan, I did some perusing of some perplexing physical philosophies. Needless to say you could perhaps interpret them in a different way, according to your particular prejudices or state of inebriation. As a prelude to this complex task I took a six pack of Ceres Strong Ale Export Alc. 7.7%, taken post work where none of my brilliant and totally practical ideas where taken note of. This delightful Danish brew taken prophylactically and to excess seems to speed and aid any mental task. On arriving home I ignored my normal methods of relaxation ie. www. Swedish Fetish Nurses Against Nuclear Disarmament, and did some surfing of other stuff. So I looked up the entries to a race I had entered and noted the numbers per nationality. These facts gave me some grave and enlightening information which may surprise and stun sober members of a more rational, non racial, and non-rotten minded member of Mankind.
Out of 500 entries to a one of the greatest trail races in the world which takes place in stunning mountain scenery, there are only 4 Brits! Brits are supposedly a great mountaineering nation with a great Fell running culture! The race takes place an Easy Jet flight away, cost half a pint of Bitter,  plus tax! Contrast this with our Nipponese nibble footed Fell fellows. 13 Japenese will travel not across the channel, but across Asia and Europe. Naturally the home nation Italy, will raise 208 runners, but France its neighbor and our traditional enemysends 114, ‘a bakers hundredweight’to our 4.  Our American cousins are sending across the pond, and not the channel 14, Canada British till only a few years ago and still across the pond manages 9, more than double the Brits, interesting again. Spain 48, tiny Portugal 6, Slovenia 1, Luxembourg 1, San Marino, who I previously thought of as a race of Sheep, are also sending 1. And least but not least, if I include myself as Gozotan and not French we get a few fantastic facts. Gozo with a population of 30,000 are also sending 1. Thus proving that Gozo, a tiny sea level island with no mountains is the greatest sporting nation in the cosmos. Long live the Gozotans we are good runners, brilliant drinkers and world famous for accurate statistics. Previously to this inquiry into world sporting endeavor I had thought of the Gozatans primarily as champions of cigarette smoking and wild and worrying hand gestures. Just goes to show how wrong you can be and the power of really strong ale.