So, my long-suffering wife has decided that enough is enough, the problem of my appalling addiction has to be faced and cured. For years now I have led a double life, while hiding a dark, and despicable debauched character, which has caused untold harm. After extensive counselling, we have realised that I will have to go and spend time in a special clinic, and become a vegetarian again. As we have no money, I wont be going to a fancy Beverly Hills with those cute blonde nurses, which seems like a shame, but have to take the traditional Pyrenees remedy instead. I have been locked in the chicken shed. The withdrawal symptoms are terrible, cold turkey indeed means different things in the French Pyrenees than in Hollywood. There is however plenty of time to go over my wasted life, ponder the profligate path of a priapic punter and generally wear sac cloth and ashes. It is time to make amends, I am sorry for all those great times I had, I deeply regret all that kinky callisthenics stuff, and all those great gymnastic positions, experiencing all that fun, and especially regret being caught. Being a 9th Dan Tantric sex master was not all it's cracked up to be, I can tell you. It’s like being good in any sport, people just expect to much of you after a while, and the lack of good serious supportive sponsors wore me out.
Realising that you were guilty of double standards is a terrible thing, but I have come to realise the folly of my ways. I apologise. Can I please come out of the chicken shed now, as I am starting to get fond of these birds and am feeling peckish.