I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Friday, 18 March 2011

Lost in Translation, by who gives a Bombay Duck Haston

Peuterey Integral versus Ben No comment!

I get some criticism about my work. Surprisingly I do a lot of work, so not surprising that some of it is not 10 outta 10. One of the funniest complaints I get is why don’t I climb in Scotland and do some climbs over there! I live in Courmayeur, don’t you square headed Jocks realize that it’s more beautiful here! One of these chauvinistic nincompoops complained to two of my sponsors and to another manufacturer who doesn’t even sponsor me, they all told the guy to get to Bombay Duck. For the record, I don’t like Scotland very much, and when it is raining, blowing a gale, or in the MIDGE season, I really hate it. I just came back from Gozo and Malta, lovely food, lovely people, interesting climbing and I felt sorry to leave, but as soon as I got off the bus, I went for a walk to look at the incomparable Peuterey Intergral ridge to the summit of Mont Blanc. Wow, Wow, Bow wow ffing wow, you can howl just looking at the beauty of that long long route, it’s a tadge more attractive than Ben Bloody Boring Nevis. God made the Peuterey route first thing Monday morning, when he was fresh after his second triple cappuccino. You can even see where he was shaking and his celestial brush slipped and caused the great gap in the ridge that is the Dames Anglaises, thank god for that over caffeinated miss-doodle, it’s the flaw that makes the ridge ultra perfect. So to that guy who keeps contacting my sponsors, I would call you an idiot but that would be insulting to idiots, if I have any spare cash or time there’s a couple or more places I’d like to go: The Dolomites for climbing and trekking, Norway for real ice, and before I die I’d like to worship the Himalaya again… Hey bonnie lad to be above 7000meters on a starry night with the moonlight sparkling, carrying a snowboard, de ya nay ken?
proper stuff
Oh yes by the way, when I write, Laurence my wife, sometimes finds the words where I’ve lost them in a computer somewhere, she then corrects it and adds some more mistakes-she is French and dyslectic and has a mind that Goggle fish are head hunting. Her ability to make my perfect English look like Serbo-Croate married to Cantonese is admired by the CIA. I am nominally Cockney. Sometimes my “work” then goes on to another web site, or a magazine, and is then corrected by an expert i.e. someone who has spent a couple of years at a state run comprehensive school, and who has failed to get a well paid job since. Once one of my pieces was corrected 15 times, before being inflicted on the public! That short piece earned me 3500 dollars, they could have corrected it more, they could have written it themselves, as long as I get paid, I don’t care. What I dislike is the writing that doesn’t mean anything, or the plain lies you get, like Scotland is Great, it’s not, just read the weather report, it’s ok if you like that sort of thing, you know dull over cast skies, poor conditions generally for ice climbing, flying kites and wearing kilts.
 I read a mag on the plane the other day, it had 60 pairs of shoes ‘reviewed’, and not an article worth reading, triple wow! I think it has the biggest outdoor circulation in Britain, but it does have the commas in the right places, so I guess everything is ok then!