Sunday, 14 March 2010
Banal, deluded people, in an ordinary world, by Stevie, the elitest Haston
Please read, and fill in the following questionnaire. Equipment necessary: a pencil, a piece of paper, a brain, oh yes, some honesty. And, if you fail the test, an extremely sharp knife.
Do you wish to climb all grades, not just easy ones?
Would you like to be able to do only a few climbs, because of lack of ability, or being able to do nearly all the beau routes anywhere in the world?
Would you like to be stupid, or intelligent?
Would you like to be a hunch back with a foot long nose, or ok looking?
Is a crowded beach in Benidorm, the same for you as a deserted beech in Madagascar.
Is the climbing wall you go to, the same as Ceuse in the early spring? Which do you prefer?
Have you ever snowboarded the Mont Blanc in a foot of powder with a blue sky, no tracks?
Is Ben Nevis as awesome as Lhotse South Face?
Are you happy when you work in a stuffy office staring at the clock?
Do you like Columbian Cocaine, German motorcycles, Swiss trains, French wine, sunsets over the Utah desert towers? Or are you happy with instant coffee, and living in a cockroach infested bed-sit in Glasgow?
Do you think it would be handy to have a few stray millions of euros knocking around in your account, so you could eat well, house your self well, look after your neighbours a little? Or do you prefer scratching a living from day to day, worried sick?
Do you occasionally wish your wife’s bottom, was less like an overstuffed leatherette sofa, complete with button dimples?
If you would like to be an elite person with an extra ordinary, multi dimensional life, take the blue pill. If you truly wish to be boring, I advise you to ritually eviscerate yourself.