I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
No reproduction on other media without the photographer's permission.

Monday, 9 April 2012

Windy woderous day, by Stevie wonder Haston.

Blind climber finishing Elephant Balls


The forecast was wrong, all you had to do was look out the window. Mad white capped waves were rolling in, there was some weird vibe in the air, and Laurence refused to get out of bed. Anyway after some persuasion we went to a cliff called the Overworld, thinking it was big enoug to be above the water turbulence.  We staired at the white water churning around and marveled at wind born sea rainbows, powerfull rotars affected your balance and a disconcerted disco of noise drove you crazy. Before Laurence could refuse I headed off down and we dis a route called Elephant Balls.


 Probabably a bad choice, this improbable overhanging arete gets very spooky and lonely, as you cling on to fossilized Crinoid stems in a position of total brain sucking vorteness. The balance moves were  a gass in the gale, gravity was tugging you one way, the wind slamining you another, and you yourself would have to throw wild hooks and quick jabs for holds that would move as you lurched for them. You need more than Elephant Balls sometimes.
Moi équipant Dinosaur Balls

 Its so totally classic a route I will probably do it a hundred times but never in a gale , never in a breeze, never in a light zepher. After this Laurence chilled in a field of Red Clover and looked at fossils, I on the other hand equiped a pitch of utterness, with some niminypiminy moves of  a magical nature. These moves seem to need three hands and two and a half legs, we will see.
Looking at a new line

We then spurted off in search of calmer weather in another bay, where we saw mysterious smoke rising as if the cliff was on fire. Nearer to the edge it was raining sea water and I nearly got decapitated as Iooked over the cliff, a big slice of green foaning white anger whacked the bejesus out my head. We did Spunky Arete and More Spunky Still. Lolo liked the milder Spunky Arete very much, which is very pleasuarble if you have big arms. More Spunky Still Lolo didn’t like at all, it being mean, vicous and vindictive to those who don’t own claws and a carapace of steel. Lolo also got a bit of assistance from a freak wave in the end, which soured the air in consequence with some purple French expletives. 

Saturday, 7 April 2012

How to talk, by Stevie Haston.

We salute you for being religious



Talking the talk, walking the walk, other carbage, other people’s words, other people's understanding. I hardley understand myself  after 55 years. Went out with some kids the other day, all university guys and dolls, seemed like infants to me, they were telling me how to think , and other stuff, got fed up with them at times, then became paternal, I hate being paternal. A girl was telling me about being vegetarian, and I was thinking about how I was a vegan and a veggie for longer than her entire life, but kept mum, when what I wanted to do  was talk about the killing of snails and other animals that the veggie industry, and just running across a field will do. But you know I just didn’t have the courage, to rant in a logical way, so I kept mum. Anyway there are a few veggies in the family and we talk about me coming back to the faith, and I will, but there are a couple of things I will have to come to terms with first.
We salute you for being Roman

We salute you…for being wombats, or for trying to get a bit part in the new Star wars movie.
So this week on my favorite island, I was passsing a bakery,  and the employees where bringing the wood in for the wood baked bread. But of course in this twisted world, the wood was treated wood, from old buildings and renovations, and thus poisoned. The bread on  the maltese islands has sometimes been tested to be over any acceptable levels of lead poisoning, but they still seem to be poisoning you, me and their relatives , because they don’t care. There's alotta cancer on the Maltese Islands, my Mum died of cancer. Any way in that Maltese way I didn’t report it to anyone, partly because you never tell the police anything, and also because you know that the Police wont do anything. Still in the end after the Easter Procession when Christ resurrected himself to save us because ‘we know not what we do’, I thought I would share it with you, and of course tell you that people use way too much pesticide here, but you will forget what I write, and eat the bread etc.
Had a good day today with my Maltese climbing chum who is trying to help Maltese climbing, he took me round, tried to help visiting climbers, wasted his own time and Jeff my other mates time, but the result was two lower offs, and 7 bolts in some very over hanging rock, back ache for me. Met my wife, who I haven't seen for a while, wow she looked cute……

Found a way through a big cliff at an easy, but scary grade  which should be classic, it's nice to be giver.
Done over 40 days of Yoga at day break, feel good about that, and the guru (who is dead but speaks to me) has influenced me, he gives me strength with his words, thanks Guru. My Mum who is also dead was talking to me, she helped, she was always kinder, and nicer than me, or my Dad, thanks Mum. Went to Church, prayed for Mum (I am not a beliver), had a really nice time, listened to other people praying,  everybody was good that day, Easter is good. I prayed for people in Iran, Afghanistan, Iraq, the Sudan, and other places I don’t know about, let my Mum and the Guru guide me.
Went climbing looked at the flowers, looked at the cliffs, looked at the sea, it was good.

Monday, 26 March 2012

Resurrection and the light, by Stevie Lazarus Haston.



It's nearly Easter, and I feel the need of some religion. Finding the biggest free climbable roof does that to me you know. Being unfit this new challenge has come at the wrong time but so do visitations from God. Timing they say is everything but clearly I have no organizational ability or planning capacity. Still when you see a fifty-meter roof covered in big holds you can't help give it a go. So a go consists of breaking your back, filling your eyes with dust from upside bolting and generally hurting your self. Luckily I have  some friends  with me who are sharing the work and pain.  We have bolted some great routes and taken some big falls. The big bruising fall I took was a surprise as I was in full rampant route mode, breaking a big hold, I took a crushing fall, still I finished after a rest. Bruises, cuts and abrasions, a big hook, I have for aiding, has buried it self in my arse and it suppurated, I had a block on my face, I was a mess but we have done fifteen new pitches some of which are world class. My own supply of bolts is gone and the two Maltese clubs are keeping me supplied now. There is so much rock on the three islands that the work will never end. Some of the work will have to be in talking to the various conflicting bodies who seem to wage war on climbers. The local climbers are trying to develop sport for locals and visitors and are plagued with problems, I pray that it is sorted out in favour of our sport after all it is good for tourism and locals alike. These problems have kept me at work on my favourite cliff called the Underworld, there are nobody there who bothers me just me my mates and my great sport, oh yes and the biggest, crassest roof I have ever seen. Wish me luck with the burly roof and the bureaucrats?



Underworld roof

The roof

Tools of the trade






Saturday, 17 March 2012

More routes in the Maltese Cave, by Stevie Haston



Here more photos from Simon Alden, more routes, boys are working hard bolting...




Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Big Cave in Malta, by Stevie Haston

Stevie has discovered a big cave in Malta, he started bolting a huge roof, more news to come soon, here some photos.








Thursday, 8 March 2012

40 years Dream, by Stevie Haston





Today I did a new trad route on Gozo that I saw when I was a child. I did it with Simon Alden from the Malta Climbing Club. Also the route is easy, it's very loose, friable and scary. 140m in 5 small pitches, it reminded me of Gogarth. I also saw some crazy wall which will probably go with ice axes. Thanks Simon for the pictures.

Stance of the first pitch


Friday, 2 March 2012

Gozo, projects and 9's, by Laurence&Stevie Haston

Off to Gozo for two months and half, a bit of bolting, some amazing lines...Mark Mcgowan will join me soon.
Went to Sabart cave and projects are still there, gorgeous and keen to train again, back on the road for 9's maybe....

Top a King line, photos Simon Alden
Proper King line, photo Simon Alden
http://www.maltaclimbingclub.com/