Making routes for Ordinary folk. By Stevie extraordinary Haston.

 this climb is 40 meters or more long, Elbe Sandstone!

I woke up after having a majestic dream! My flunky brought in my tea, my toast and eggs Benedict, and told me of the latest routes he had created for my pleasure. "Well you haven't done very well, only one" I said out of my chewing mouth. "Yes Sire" he sighed. "I have been lazy, please forgive my uselessness". "Is it of suitable magnificence for my majesty", I guffawed. "I reverently hope so, Divine one", he whispered as he silently crept out backwards leaving a trail of rock dust behind him.

 to the left of a good route should be something like this, especially on Mondays.

Routes should be wonderful, some of mine are a bit ordinary, but never mundane, some are fit for the Majestic one. I hate people who complain about my routes. It would be nice to do great routes, with perfect moves, on perfect rock in a perfect setting, dream on, some can be just OK. Some routes are in quarries by the sides of roads!

 a few of these sea shells, once on a sea shore, should shine out on a few routes.

I did a little bit of abseiling yesterday, with 46 kids, only one said thank you. This is the world we live in my friends! If you do one of my routes and it's good, please say thank you, then I might put up another. If on the other hand you do one of my routes and you get scared, because the bolts are six inches out of your reach, please keep this infantile bit of information to your self, or employ a flunky.

the mark of a real route setter.

For those that complain about my routes I have left a little surprise. Ah now I feel better, every cloud has a silver lining, every morning eggs Benidict, every finishing hold a Kinder Surprise!