I'm a woman

I'm a woman
Photos copyright Laurence Gouault
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Monday, 30 April 2012

King of Kings,by Stevie formally known as Prince Haston

Top pitches of the Underworld &  King of Kings
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This trip has been epic, forty new pitches, lots of new climbing buddies, but there is one thing that shines, The King of Kings, fifty five meters roof, best new route, totally world class.that I have done apart from maybe some ice routes. He was done on Easter Sunday hence the name, the biggest roof in the world..... Usual politics going on here which is getting on my nervous, want and need bolts. For more news&details about King of Kings contact us....
Some of King of Kings...a 55 meters roof at 55 years old....
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Saturday, 14 April 2012

Visiting ze husband on Malta, by Laurence Gouault.Haston

35 meters splash of sea

 Running around like a blue ass fly, I forgot the joy of being with the husband…! Big cliffs, gorgeous rock, gorgeous routes, massive exposure, surprising amount of wind and big waves. I had a very pleasant week on the little island of Gozo, one horrible hunter threatened us which was the only sad moment of the week. Nice days with two local climbers Jeffrey&Simon. 
Flowers and rock


But the high point was visiting Stevie’s cave, when the equipping finishes it will be a world class venue. Made we wish I’ve been doing more training than yoga, although Stevie seems  to be doing both at the moment lucky him.
The island is green and full of flowers and not too crowed with tourists, even a few climbers because the hunters are having more restrictions nowadays, which is a good thing. Enjoyed seeing stevie’s family, which does have that Mediterranean thing going in on, like  Toni Ann who comes from New York, is really Sicilian, and so reminds me how different we all are and yet how we are all the same.
hungry cave trolls

The aquamarine of the sea, the greens and yellows, from the grass and flowers, and the colourful personality of the Maltese is a powerful mix.
Visiting the churches is more interesting than before as I am now conscious of the praying aspect in the churches due to following mantras and yoga, they are in fact  pretty similar. It was very good to practice yoga on top of the cliff, it added an other dimension. The yellows of the limestone and the mellow vibes from the stone seems to be conducive to a neutral mind. Equally concentrating on where the horizon and the sea meet it is very easy to feel a greater part of the universe. I’m seriously thinking of coming back just to do a yoga week in Gozo.

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Oh, such a perfect day. By Stevie Haston

Jeffrey on dinosaur's balls


Been some good days recently, some close as this humanoid ever gets to earthly paradise. Some days approached  that zenith of humanoid enjoyment only to be kiboshed by nasty hunters trying to physically intimidate us, one day we were attacked by a knife wielding moron of extreme girth whose fly was undone and  who seemed covered in slime. It would and could have been funny but his two mates picking large rocks up and hemming us in.

Anyway today was great but yesterday we had some nutters trying to intimidate us. Nothing can dampen our spirits though cos the cliffs are so great, Gothic and grandiose.
Jeff came across from the big island to help and we felt a bit wimpy because we were trashed already by the time he got here. We put Jeff on Elephant Balls which he loved, its high exposure is sublime joy. ++++ 


Next up was another arrete that pierces the sky, Dinosaur's Balls. You need pretty big balls to lead either route but there is a weird ball like hold on the latter which you really fondle and then squeeze like buggery. It’s a bit of a joke route but you wont be laughing that much, its only difficult for two and a half bolts, but they are way up there in the sky  on the edge of extinction.  We cant grade this route, its got a V9 crux and a difficult clip which leaves you plonging sea ward. Its either 8a+ or 8b, or something else, but its definitely ballsy.

Perfect days we have had, one in particular I am not going to talk about because it is a secrete , but this secrete will be shared with you soon, it’s a beaut. So much beauty here, I am glad to be alive, and share the good times with my friends, let the good times roll. But then again in Odin's Hall……

We escaped from the underworld tonight at sunset, big sacs, double ropes drill, lots of tackle and a ton of climbing done, man were we drained, the escape route has never felt harder, full body throws and desperate slaps with torn hands, oh it was grand. Beer, beans on toast, all repeated till bellies complaine. My core feels like its been run over by a truck, good night, good luck, and may you have great days like today. 

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Hard equiping, soft routes, by Stevie Softy Haston.




Don’t know which is harder, equipping the routes or finnaly doing them. Don’t know which is more enjoyable, I guess doing them, but sometimes its just that first glimmer, when I know that there is a jem there waiting to be birthed. Its like an act of creation at the beginning of the world, bet you think I am being poncy, but I’ am not, it’s a big wow opening routes for others. The escape route from my big cliff, I have done about 25 times and it is still ace, its steep and pumpy, and I normaly do it in trainers with a sac. Mark  loved getting pumped on the escape route carrying the drill, a big sac, and  worn out trainers! Jeffrey  came up the escape route the first time and was impressed, it was getting dark and he had a head-torch on, the last time he had walking boots on and the obligatory sac, his fore arms had huge sepents like veins, and were bigger than his head.

Today was supposed to be a rest day, so I put in about 8 bolts in a really steep bit of cliff! I was goosed man, my core was twisted and wrung out like a wet towel. I really hurt, I ran out of glue, had to go back up, and back down, it is like childbirth, I need gas for the pain. Yes I am joking! Its piss its easy, its like falling off a log, drunk. No it’s a double joke, Its desperate. I like the bit where I am gripped cos I’ave swung in and am hanging off my big butchers hook, and it is slowly pulling through the cheese like rock, and that’s when I whack in a peg , but first of course I whack my thumb. All my fingers are now thinner, so I should be able to do some thin finger cracks, that have been beyond me.

We have done some great grade 5s, some great 6s, some joyous rightuos 7s, and a few tough 8s, I think they are some of the best routes I have done in over 40 years of opening routes. Today I was very happy.
At the end of the day I went down some fishermans chipped routes, way down a big cliff, a couple of hundred feet, and soloed out up a big jug covered wall, just an other new route!
Flowers, fossils, and furry rabbits.    


Monday, 9 April 2012

Windy woderous day, by Stevie wonder Haston.

Blind climber finishing Elephant Balls


The forecast was wrong, all you had to do was look out the window. Mad white capped waves were rolling in, there was some weird vibe in the air, and Laurence refused to get out of bed. Anyway after some persuasion we went to a cliff called the Overworld, thinking it was big enoug to be above the water turbulence.  We staired at the white water churning around and marveled at wind born sea rainbows, powerfull rotars affected your balance and a disconcerted disco of noise drove you crazy. Before Laurence could refuse I headed off down and we dis a route called Elephant Balls.


 Probabably a bad choice, this improbable overhanging arete gets very spooky and lonely, as you cling on to fossilized Crinoid stems in a position of total brain sucking vorteness. The balance moves were  a gass in the gale, gravity was tugging you one way, the wind slamining you another, and you yourself would have to throw wild hooks and quick jabs for holds that would move as you lurched for them. You need more than Elephant Balls sometimes.
Moi équipant Dinosaur Balls

 Its so totally classic a route I will probably do it a hundred times but never in a gale , never in a breeze, never in a light zepher. After this Laurence chilled in a field of Red Clover and looked at fossils, I on the other hand equiped a pitch of utterness, with some niminypiminy moves of  a magical nature. These moves seem to need three hands and two and a half legs, we will see.
Looking at a new line

We then spurted off in search of calmer weather in another bay, where we saw mysterious smoke rising as if the cliff was on fire. Nearer to the edge it was raining sea water and I nearly got decapitated as Iooked over the cliff, a big slice of green foaning white anger whacked the bejesus out my head. We did Spunky Arete and More Spunky Still. Lolo liked the milder Spunky Arete very much, which is very pleasuarble if you have big arms. More Spunky Still Lolo didn’t like at all, it being mean, vicous and vindictive to those who don’t own claws and a carapace of steel. Lolo also got a bit of assistance from a freak wave in the end, which soured the air in consequence with some purple French expletives. 

Saturday, 7 April 2012

How to talk, by Stevie Haston.

We salute you for being religious



Talking the talk ,walking the walk, other carbage, other people’s words, others people understanding. I hardley understand myself  after 55 years. Went out with some kids the other day, all university guys and dolls, seemed like infants to me, they were telling me how to think , and other stuff, got fed up with them at times, then became paternal, I hate being paternal. A girl was telling me about being vegetarian, and I was thinking about how I was a vegan and a veggie for longer than her entire life, but kept mum, when what I wanted to do  was talk about the killing of snails and other animals that the veggie industry and fan culture kill, but you know I just didn’t have the courage, so I kept mum. Anyway there is a few veggies in the family and we talk about me coming back to the faith and I will, but there is a couple of things I will have to come to terms with first.
We salute you for being Roman

We salute you...
So this week in my favorite island, I was passsing a bakery  and the employees where bringing the wood in for the wood baked bread. But of course in this twisted world, the wood was treated wood from old buildings and renovations, and thus poisoned. The bread on  the maltese islands has sometimes been tested to be over any acceptable levels of lead poisoning, but they still seem to be poisoning you, me and their relatives , because they don’t care. Theres alotta cancer on the Maltese Islands, my Mum died of cancer. Any way in that Maltese way I didn’t report it to anyone, partly because you never tell the police anything and also because you know that the Police wont do anything. Still in the end after the Easter Procession when Christ resurrected himself to save us because ‘we know not what we do’, I thought I would share it with you, and of course tell you that people use way too much pesticide here, but you will forget what I write and eat the bread etc.
Had a good day today with my Maltese climbing chum who is trying to help Maltese climbing , he took me round, tried to help visiting climbers, wasted his own time and Jeff my other mates time, but the result was two lower offs and 7 bolts in some very over hanging rock, back ache for me. Met my wife, who I haven't seen for a while, wow she looked cute……

Found a way through a big cliff at an easy but scary grade  which should be classic, its nice to be giver.
Done over 40 days of Yoga at day break, feel good about that, and the guru(who is dead but speaks to me) has influenced me, he gives me strength with his words, thanks Guru. My Mum who is also dead was talking to me, she helped, she was always kinder and nicer than me or my Dad, thanks Mum. Went to Church, prayed for Mum (I am not a beliver), had a really nice time, listened to other people praying,  everybody was good that day, Easter is good. I prayed for people in Iran, Afghanistan, Iraq, the Sudan, and other places I don’t know about, let my Mum and the Guru guide me.
Went climbing looked at the flowers, looked at the cliffs, looked at the sea, it was good.